. Synopsis: Saucer Men from Mars
by walker

The story begins in Borneo, 1949 on an old riverboat. Indy and a friend are being chased by river pirates piloting an old WWII PT boat. The surrounding water is infested with hungry crocs.

The pirates are after a treasure map and golden idol that Indy has "acquired." In the midst of a big fight, the pirates get the map (a fake), but Indy keeps the idol and gets away. After this confrontation, Indy and friend discuss Marcus' death and Indy considers retirement from field work.

Upon returning to their base of operations, Indy is met by Dr. Elaine McGregor, a brilliant linguist (49 languages and dialects) and serious babe (of course). She wants to hire Indy for an expedition upriver at a "hidden" temple. Solely because of her babe-ness, Indy agrees and decides not to retire just yet.

6 weeks later, at the dig site...

Indy and Elaine are goo goo in love. But, to keep us from getting ill, they are captured by pirates (the same ones as before). Indy is left in a trap and Elaine is taken. As you might expect, Indy escapes, catches the pirates, enjoys a spectacular fight scene and gets away with the girl. They return to the States, where...

They decide to get married. Henry Jones arrives for the ceremony, as do Willie, Marion and Sallah. As Elaine waits for the music to start, signifying her entrance into the chapel, a man approaches and speaks to her. Indy sees all this from the alter. Elaine leaves with the strange man and Indy runs out of the church after her. There is a car chase and Indy loses them. Distressed, Indy goes out with Willie and Marion and gets drunk. Hmmm...

Later, Indy checks Elaine's office and finds a secret file with a passport detailing for several aliases she has been using. Also finds that the man from the wedding is her ex-husband, who works for the OSS, military intelligence (insert joke here). Included with all this is a cryptic telegram about some discovery in White Sands, New Mexico. Indy heads to White Sands and finds a dirt road leading to a secret military based in the desert. He sneaks in and finds a monstrous black scar running across the ground as if from an airplane crash. He follows the scar to a huge military operation with hundreds of troops.

Indy is spotted, chased and captured. He's taken to the operations HQ where he meets Elaine, the mystery man (named Bolander) and a general. Elaine convinces Bolander and the general that Indy can help. The general seems genial and addresses Indy as "Colonel Jones." Together, they show Indy the remains of a downed spacecraft and several dead aliens. At the crash site, a 15" long, 5" in diameter stone cylinder was discovered intact. It is covered in a variety of glyphs from a number of ancient languages. Elaine, an ex-operative, was called in to decipher it. So far, she's found that each language makes reference to "power" of some sort. They assume that the cylinder is an alien fuel supply and the glyphs are instructions for use.

Indy and Elaine spend a few hours studying the cylinder and together discover that it's not a manual but a list of coordinates to different mountain tops throughout the world. In addition, the writings warn of dark consequences if the cylinder isn't brought to Mt. Keeno in New Mexico by an unspecified date.

Meanwhile, 2 cowboys sneak onto the base. They are the Russian spies, Veska and Cheslav (a KGB agent who has met up with Indy in the past).

The next day, Elaine and the device are missing. Indy tracks her and is caught by the Russians. Indy fights them. Cheslav takes Elaine and runs, escaping in a car. During a big chase through a high security area, Indy follows Veska into a concrete bunker - a rocket test center. Countdown begins with Veska and Indy trapped inside. They fight on top of the rocket sled. It begins to shoot forward at 200 mph. They hang on and continue fighting. Indy yanks a hose from the housing and bathes Veska in hot oil. Veska slips and flies down the rocket into the burners. Ouch. Indy then uses his vast knowledge of rocket science to screw up the engines and stop the firecracker of death. He falls to the ground, exhausted, and is captured by more Russians disguised as medics.

The Russians, having packed Indy into the trunk of their car, drive out into the desert to a secret rendevous. They get lost and stop in a town called Boomsburg. They go in to the gas station to ask for directions. As they do so, Indy jimmies the trunk and escapes. He checks the houses and finds that they are all fake, full of props and mannequins. Suddenly, the civil defense siren goes off and the Russians bolt for their car, burning rubber. Indy runs into a kitchen and leaps into a 2' deep crawlspace on the floor. He then pulls a lead-lined (?!) referigerator over top.

An A-Bomb goes off, blowing away the 2 Russians and destroying the town. Somehow, the concrete-lined hole and the fridge protect Indy. A decon team arrives, finds him alive and scrub him radiation free. Simple, isn't it!

In the meantime, Cheslav and Elaine are nowhere to be found. Upon Indy's return to the base, the general briefs Indy that they've figured out numbers on the cylinder represent a decending scale, a countdown. Why, the cylinder must be a bomb! Indy is put in the clink because "no one can be trusted." Again, he escapes and hops a truck convoy leaving the base.

A turn coat scientist (Dr. Bernard) is in charge of the convoy. Cheslav is with him. Out in the desert, they meet a flying fortress taking them to Russia with the cylinder. Indy takes out a guard and sneaks on board. Bernard examines the cylinder. Of several rings on the cylinder, two have changed color, as if marking time.

Indy begins fighting the Russians on the plane. He's about to get thrown out when a saucer appears and takes over the plane's controls with a handy ray-beam. Two U.S. Sabre jets intercept but are destroyed by the spaceship.

With the distraction, Indy goes on the attack. A bazooka goes off during the fight and blows up the cockpit, as well as wounding the saucer hovering outside. The saucer flees as the plane goes into a dive. Elaine is sucked out of the plane. Indy grabs a chute and the cylinder then dives out after her. He grabs her during freefall and pops the chute. The plane crashes and the saucer returns, scanning the wreckage for the cylinder.

Elaine and Indy make their way to a small deserted town as the countdown continues. A spaceship lands and spider-like aliens try to communicate with them. Elaine freaks and grabs Indy, who has hot-wired a pickup truck for their convenience. They hide out at a drive-in showing a cheesy scifi film. Indy calls the general for help. They are told to stay put, so they make out during the film. During the movie, an alien ship scans each car with an X-Ray and spots the cylinder between the hot, sweaty bodies of Indy and Elaine. (The alien cylinder you dirty-minded pervs!).

The alien ship picks up the truck with a tractor beam and hauls them off to the desert. After the saucer lands, a small bug-like alien exits the craft. Shortly, Indy and Elaine realize that the bug is speaking Sanskrit. They find out that the aliens don't want the device. But before they can explain further, the military shows up and blows them to pieces.

Indy and Elaine are again arrested and the cylinder is taken from them. A sergeant orders them taken to the clink. As they are dragged away, Indy sees that the sarge is actually Cheslav! Somehow, he too survived the exploding plane. He and Bolander are also in cahoots - and they have the cylinder. Oh dear, oh dear...

Another saucer is spotted in the distance and the entire convoy follows it. Indy (you guessed it) escapes his bonds, takes out the guard and frees Elaine. They turn the truck around and follow the convoy.

The convoy reaches the landing place of the saucer and opens fire. However, this craft is huge and it somehow creates a sandstorm which buries the entire army, including the semi-innocent, yet goof-ball general.

As Indy and Elaine approach, they see Bolander driving up into the mountains like a mad man. He's freaking out. Our heroes follow, chase Bolander and drive him off the road, taking the cylinder (It's like watching a soccer match, isn't it?). They reach the summit of Mt. Keeno and at dawn, 3 saucers appear. Cheslav sneaks in and holds Elaine at gunpoint, forcing Indy to give him the cylinder. Bolander also arrives and rushes Cheslav for possession of the device. The device glows with power and as Bolander's hands close about it, he kills Cheslav with a ray beam. The alien ships finally decide that enough is enough and take control of the cylinder causing it to incinerate Bolander into a hole in the ground full of ash. You might say he was an ash hole. Ahhahahahahahah...whew. So, anyways, the saucers glow like tiny stars and roar off in the direction of the morning sun. There is no trace of the cylinder.

Cut to...

The church from ACT 1. Indy and Elaine exit, married. Sallah, Marion, Henry and Willie throw rice as the newlyweds hop into their "just married" car. The driver turns around - it's Short Round - and asks "where to, Dr. Jones?" Indy and Elaine exchange "I Love You"s and kiss. THE END rolls up as the wedding car drives off into the sunset.

I wipe the tears from my eyes.

Indyfan.com Site Author: Micah Johnson
Page Author: walker
Created: December 2, 1998
Last modified: December 2, 1998

Indiana Jones and the Saucer Men from Mars
Written by Jeb Stuart, Story by George Lucas and Jeb Stuart