Chapter 3 of "The Lambert Bros. and the Quest for the 12 inch Indy Action Figure

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Posted by Indiana James (Lambert) from 209.5.179.18 on September 22, 1999 at 06:30:24:

Well, here's the third installment in our spoof of YIJ and the Tresure
of the Peacock's Eye! Enjoy it and don't take it too seriously.

Chapter 3

The Lambertís boarded the ship at Port Said to intercept Webley. A
naval officer greeted them by saluting the two.

Since Brett and James had low-class tickets, they had to sleep outside
where the others had their own cabin.

***

Brett and James were sleeping on the floor. James looked up and
noticed something. James saw Webley. Webley was getting his
cigarette lit by a naval officer.

ìBrett, look!î pointing at Webley. ìCome on, letís go!î

The two got up and followed Webley. They reached the outside of his
cabin and looked through the blinds on the door. Webley was analysing
the map. He seemed to have the completed map, and the proper key.

ìHey! The key isnít pointing to India. Itís pointing South... East,î
James observed.

ìTo where?î Brett asked.

ìI donít know. I canít see.î

As soon as Webley made a mark on where the possible location is, he
crumbled up the map, and burned it.

ìWhy would he burn it?î Brett asked.

ìTo make sure heís the only one who can find it,î James answered.
ìWeíre going to have to follow him. Let him take us to it. Come on,
Brett. Letís go!î

The boat went from Port Said all the way to itís destination: Java.

The pair got off the ship. Again, the surroundings were full of
shops, street vendors, and everything a bustling harbour would
contain.

James saw Webley going on a rickshaw and telling the boy to go
someplace.

James and Brett took another rickshaw and ordered him to follow the
other rickshaw containing Webley. This chase wasnít particularly
exciting like car chases in movies, but it was necessary for them to
track Webleyís every move.

Webley stopped at a hotel and restaurant called the ìE. Tavia.î

ìThe E. Tavia? Thatís fancy!î James observed.

ìWeíll have to change our clothes,î Brett replied. And he was right,
Arab clothes were not suitable for this place.

***

Brett and James returned in much more suitable attire for the
restaurant, suits and ties.

James spotted them. ìThere they are!î

ìLetís go get something to eat,î Brett retorted, thinking of his
stomach.

The brothers were seated in the restaurant, away from Webleyís sight,
who was seated with some other men, perhaps fellow Indy collectors
working for evil just as Webley. James was spying on Webley and the
other men, trying to make out what is going on.

ìHow much money do we have left?î Brett asked irritatedly. ìIím
starving.î

ìStop thinking of your stomach!î James shouted back.

ìDo you suppose those are his partners?î Brett asked. ìCould
complicate things.î

Suddenly, a very beautiful woman spoke up. She was a sight for sore
eyes. She looked a lot like Jennifer Love Hewitt, and she had
beautiful green eyes.

ìLots of Indy stuff doesnít excuse bad manners!î the beautiful woman
shouted at one of the men. She walked off and was seated at the bar.

ìBloody Mary with plenty of Worcestershire sauce, please,î ordered the
women to the bartender.

A waiter walked by Brett and Jamesí table.

ìExcuse me, sir, would you ask the lady is sheíd like to join us,
please?î asked James to the waiter.

The waiter nodded.

ìWhy are you inviting her?î Brett asked.

ìShe might know something,î James replied. ìWe need to know what weíre
up against.î

ìYeah, youíre right,î Brett responded. ìPlus, sheís very beautiful.
Good move, Jim!î

The beautiful lady walked towards their table.

ìIím an embarrassment to anyone who knows me, so why would you want to
sit with me?î the lady asked.

ìWe like a lady to stand up for themselves,î James replied, gesturing
to an empty chair. ìPlease, sit down.î

ìWell all right then,î she agreed.

ìSo, who are those men, anyways?î James asked.

ìThatís Mr. ROB T., a friend of mine once said Temple of Doom is the
best of the Indy series, she now resides at the hospital.î

ìWhat about the one not wearing a fedora? He doesnít look much
kinder.î

ìThatís Abner. An Indy whip trader. Heís extremely rich.î

ìWhat about the cool one, licking his fingers?î James said, motioning
to one of the men at the table.

ìHeís Indy Magnoli. A seller of the four leaf clover lighter, and
many other movie props, why are you so interested?î she asked.

ìUm... weíre in the cardboard box business,î James quickly made up.
ìWeíre always looking for new customers, new outlets.î

ìMy name is Meg?î she extended her hand.

ìUh, James--î James shook her hand, quickly correcting himself
ì--Arima, and this is my assistant, Brett...tissimo!î:

Brett smiled and shook her hand.

Meg stood up, stretching her arms.

ìWell, the air in is stifling. Iíd better go. Perhaps weíll meet
again,î Meg went upstairs and waved goodbye.

Suddenly, James and Brett heard the evil Indy collectorís talking.

ìDeirdre is waiting in Singapore,î ROB T. said to Indy Magnoli, ìIf we
donít get the action figure to her in a week, sheís gone! Sheíll pay
us ten times what we would get in the black market!î

Webley walked by the two collectors.

ìWhere are you going?î Indy Magnoli asked to Webley.

ìTo take a nap. So I will be ready for tonight,î Webley replied.
ìWhen will we start our expedition?î

ìAs soon as it gets dark!î, chided ROB T.

ì8 oíclock,î said Indy Magnoli. ìRemember Webley, we finance this
whole thing. Without us, youíd still be a nobody, an A-1 nutboy, and
Deirdre knows it!!î

ìHmmm...,î said Webley sarcastically. ìBe at the lobby, 8 oíclock,
donít be late!î

Then Webley walked off. He walked by the Lambert table, in order for
the brothers to escape detection, they held up their menus.

***

James and Brett spied on Webleyís hotel room. Webley was packing his
things, ready to go.

ìThey werenít supposed to leave until tonight,î Brett retorted.
ìWhere is he going?î

ìI donít know,î James retorted. ìCome on letís go.î

***

The brothers followed him all the way to the Javian jungle. Webley
arranged for some tools and rode off with a horse.

ìHurry up, Brett, weíll lose him!î ordered James as they tracked
Webleyís every move.

ìYou think heís going for the treasure now?î Brett asked.

ìLooks like heís double crossing his partners! Come on!î James and
Brett ran arranged horses of their own.

They rode all the way to a secluded Temple. The brotherís heard a lot
of chiselling, and figured itís going on the right Temple. They
climbed up the beautiful, scenic Temple, to see Webley hard at work,
trying to find the action figure.

ìHeís tapping every stone, he hasnít found it yetî whispered James.

ìLetís get him out of the way,î suggested Brett.

ìThat wonít be too easy. Heís got a gun. Itís a Webley. Hmm, a
Webley for a Webley. Interesting.î

James opened up his expertly drawn drawing of the tomb of Marion
Ravenwood.

ìWhy would the freeze be part of the map if it didnít pinpoint where
the action figure is?î James wondered.

ìLook, Lucasfilm is above Marion Ravenwood, and there are three
mountains!î Brett observed.

ì...And there are three Temples,î continued James. ìHeís digging in
the wrong place, it must be in the center temple!î

James and Brett left the right-hand side Temple to go into the center
one. There was a statue of George Lucas in the center.

ìHey, what did the map say when you spilled Mountain Dew on it,
Brett?î James asked.

ìFollow the horses to...î

ìThe horses!î James exclaimed. ìFollow the horses...î

James walked over to the side, seeing a sketch of some horses.

ì...to Lucasfilmís greatest triumph! Making Star Wars!î

James pushed the centrepiece of a TIE fighter and pushed it. It
opened up. James reached inside and got a foot-long box which keeps
the action figure inside.

ìThe action figure!î Brett exclaimed. ìWeíve got it! Letís open the
box!î

ìI think thatís what the key is for!î James replied.

ìAnd thatís what I have!î said a sinister voice. It turned out to be
none other than Webley. And he was aiming his webley right at the
Lambertís. ìI will take that off your hands. You do not kill easily
you Canadian bastards!!î

Brett held on to a thick branch getting ready to throw it at Webley.

ìYou Belgian bastard!!î Brett screamed. He threw the branch at
Webleyís feet knocking him down.

Brett tossed the box to James, ready to kick some Belgian ass.
Unfortunately for Brett, he didnít realise the Belgianís strength.
Webley punched Brett in the face, punched him in the stomach and then
gave an upper cut punch to Brett. Brett was pulverised, lying on the
floor. Webley pulled out a steel rod, and went for James. Webley
struck James, but he protected the blow by blocking it with the box.
To avoid any further damage on the box, Jim tossed it to Brett, who
now was getting up slowly. Webley waved the steel rod as if it was a
lightsaber. He attempted some blows to the head and other parts to
the body. But James ducked and dodged all of the blows. Brett went
towards Webley one more time. James grabbed onto a nearby vine and
swung on it. Meanwhile, Brett got pulverised again with Webleyís
steel rod. James, while swinging on a vine came back and kicked
Webley square in the face, knocking down the Belgian.

James helped up Brett, asking if he was okay. Brett asked where the
box was. As he spoke, he located the box, beneath his feet and picked
it up. Meanwhile, Webley got up and held them at gunpoint.

ìAnd now, we are back where we started! Handem omhoog, dieven!!î
Webley arrogantly said, the latter being ëput your hands in the airí
spoken in Dutch. ìGive me the box!î

Brett reluctantly handed Webley the box.

ìIt is each man to himself in this world, you must understand that,î
Webley mused. ìAnd now, I donít want you following me around all my
life, so...î He raised up his Webley. ìGoodbye... sir!î

He pulled the trigger, but nothing came out. He forgot to load his
gun! James took the gun from Webley and punched him, accidentally
knocking down Brett in the well right behind him, leaving Brett
hanging onto the vines. James ripped the key from Webleyís neck, but
before he could retrieve the box, he was thrown in the well, also.
Webley made his escape.

ìIíve got the key,î James said, hanging from the vines.

ìBig deal,î replied Brett. ìWe donít have the box!î

The brothers climbed their way out of the well. They tried to follow
him but Webley took their horses.

***

Brett and James went back to Webleyís hotel to find him. When
venturing upon his room, they discovered the room all messed up, and
Webley lying on the floor with a gunshot straight to the head. One of
his associates must have shot him, and took the box.

James looked in Webleyís pocket, and there was a ticket to a ship to
Singapore.

ìHe was going to Singapore tomorrow!î noted James.

ìMaybe Webley was going to make a deal with Deirdre herself,î
suggested Brett.

Footsteps sounded throughout the hallway. One of Webleyís associates,
Indy Magnoli was coming up the stairs.

ìSomeoneís coming!î Brett yelled. ìevacuate!î

***

Brett and James were getting ready to board the ship to Singapore,
when he saw one of Webleyís associates.

ìThereís ROB T.!î said James pointing him out.

ìI knew it! I knew it was ROB T.!î exclaimed Brett as ROB T. boarded
the ship.

ìAnd thereís Indy Magnoli!î James pointed out again.

ìWeíll have to keep our eyes on both of them!î Brett said.

ìMaybe, but only one of them has the box,î explained James. ìCome on!
Letís board the ship!î

Abner was boarding the ship also.

ìAnd thereís Abner,î Brett pointed out. ìThe three of them are in it
together!î

Suddenly the shriek of a womanís voice was heard.It was Megís. She
was being carried by Short Round and Indy/Riggs, forcing her to board
the ship.

ìGet your hands off me,î Meg shrieked. ìGet off! You animals!î The
two put her down on the ship.

ìYeah, and donít come back, dude!! Uh, oops, I meant dudette!!î Short
Round yelled.

ìYeah, bitch! Next time donít trust everyone you meet!î Indy/Riggs
said.

ìCome on, Riggs! Letís go watch Back to the Future, dude!!î Short
Round said.

ìYeah, and after that, letís watch Lethal Weapon! I swear man, Iím
turning into Riggs! Iím even turning suicidal like him!î Indy said.

ìYeah, yeah, yeah! Letís go!î Short Round and Indy/Riggs left the
premises.

ìAre you all right?î James asked.

ìDo I look all right?î Meg whined. ìThey took all my money and bought
me a ticket, never telling me never to come back! What am I going to
do?î

ìYou seem like a girl who always seems to manage,î commented Brett.

ìMaybe I donít want to manage anymore! Thatís what got me kicked out
of town!î yelled Meg.

ìBrett, why donít you go pick out our cabins?î said James.

ìOK. Donít be too long,î said Brett.

James and Meg went off to the balcony and started talking.

ìI donít know what happened to me in the last year,î began Meg. ìI
just seemed to lose hope. I always thought a little happiness was
deserved, but none seemed to go my way.î

James looked back with sympathy.

ìWhy are you so kind to me?î Meg asked.

ìYou have beautiful eyes,î replied James.

ìIím not sure they are not much to look at right now. Iím going to go
freshen up,î said Meg. ìOh, if you want to protect your reputation,
you should stay away from me.î

ìHaha!î James laughed. ìDonít worry about meî

ìThanks,î Meg said. Then she left to freshen up.

***

The ship sailed off to the China Sea. And Tessa was singing a song in
the lounge room. Dinner was being served.

Brett was eating dinner, waiting for James. Sitting nearby at a
different table was ROB T., Indy Magnoli, and Abner.

James finally returned with some news.

ìI've taken a look at their passenger list. I know which cabin they
are staying in,î James told Brett.

ìGood!î began Brett. ìAs soon as we are finished dinner. I will get
the three to play cards with me, thatíll occupy them and you can
search their cabins.î

ìBrett we only have two dollars left, what are you going to bet with?î

ìMy skill, my talent. I will win from them. And as long as they are
losing. Theyíll stay!î explained Brett. James started gathering some
food for Meg. ìJames, youíre giving food to Meg?î

ìYes I am. Just make sure they are playing cards!î said James.

James went outside and gave food to Meg.

ìThought youíd be hungry,î said James.

ìOh, I am,î said Meg, devouring the food. ìHow kind of you! Can you
get me a blanket?î

ìOh, youíre not planning on sleeping here?î said James disgustedly.
ìThatís not right! Why donít you sleep in our cabin?î

ìOh, thank you!î said Meg. ìYou are my knight in shining armour!î

***

Meanwhile, Brett was playing cards with ROB T., Indy Magnoli, and
Abner. He dealt his Star Wars: Episode One playing cards and as soon
as ROB T. saw them, he scoffed in disgust.

***

ìSome girl must be very lucky to have you!î said Meg.

ìYeah, well, you wonít even hear me come in. Iíll be quiet. Try to
get some sleep, youíve had a rough day,î said James.

ìThank you,î said Meg as she kissed James on the cheek. ìGood night,
my prince!î

***

Meanwhile, at the lounge, Brett, ROB T., Abner, and Indy Magnoli were
having a rousing poker game. Brett was winning, and earning lots of
money. The three Indy collectorís were very pissed off, especially
ROB T. As Brett continued to lap up the fortune, Tessa, still singing
more tunes, was noticing Brettís domination of the game.

***

After James left Meg, he searched out the three menís cabin. He went
to Abnerís cabin and Indy Magnoliís, but no luck. No sign of the box
at either cabin.

***

ìWell, Iím finished!î said ROB T. ìIím going to have a drink, then go
to bed!î

ìNo, no, stay,î said Brett. ìSomething tells me that this next hand
will be your lucky one!î

ROB T, frowned and said, ìI donít like you!!! And if you think Temple
of Doom is better than Raiders, Iíll gut you!î and then he left.
Luckily Brett didnít think Temple of Doom was the best, but he still
loved it. Tessa put his hand on Brettís shoulder in fascination of
Brettís big winnings.

***

James was just about to check ROB T.ís cabin when all of a sudden, ROB
T. walked by. James quickly left, escaping detection from ROB T.

***

Meg slept on the top bunk and Brett and James slept on the bottom,
sleeping head to toe.

ìYou should have checked ROB T.ís cabin first and weíd have our action
figure!î complained Brett.

ìGo search ROB T.ís cabin now!î Brett ordered.

ìMe? Why?î

ìTomorrow we dock in Singapore, and he gets to deal with Deirdre, and
we get nothing.î

After arguing, they decided theyís both go. They tiptoed inside,
looking for the box. They couldnít find it.




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