The Lambert Bros. and the Quest for the 12 inch Indy Action Figure: SPECIAL EDITION (Chapter's 5-6)

Posted by Brett (Maverick) Lambert from Port22.westworld.ca on December 08, 1999 at 15:50:03:

Here is the final installment of the Special Edition's!!

Chapter 7: Added a dinner scene with Aragorn and the Lambert's

Chapter 8: No changes.

Chapter 7

The primitive tribesman took the Lambertís to their main village of
houses made out of grass, and logs. It was a quaint village,
certainly a departure from the civilised, sophisticated buildings the
Lambert brothers were more used to. The Lambertís were not sure
whether they were about to be welcomed or about to be killed.

ìWe should make a run for it,î Brett whispered.

ìThey have weapons! We donít!î James replied.

Suddenly, what looked to be the leader of this mysterious tribe
emerged to take a look at the Lambertís. He commanded something in
their primitive language.

ìOur boots?î James wondered. ìThey want our boots. Brett take off
your your boots, and come on, smile Brett.î

ìI never smile at my murderers!î Brett chided.

James gave his boots to the man.

ìI donít think so, Brett. Even if they were, they wouldíve killed us
already, why would they wait this long?î

ìMaybe they will wrap us in banana leaves and bake us!î Brett wearily
said.

ìThink peaceful, Brett,î James said. ìMaybe theyís help us out, they
donít seem unfriendly.î

The tribesman analysed Jamesí boots and put them down. Brett handed
his boots to them.

ìI would not smell those if I were you!î Brett said. He was right.
They smelled hideous. The tribesman immediately threw them down.

ìMaybe we should give them a gift,î suggested James.

ìYeah!î Brett replied. ìGive them your hat!î

ìThatís not good enough, Brett!î

ìNot the box! Iíd rather be buried with it than part with it!î

ìOkay Brett,î James picked up a really, cheap, flimsy E.T. action
figure. Brett reluctantly gave it up. Brett would have been furious
if it was a good quality one. ìLook, itís an E.T.!î

The tribe looked at the ET for a few seconds, then grunted in
approval. They took them to their cabin to see someone. Who? The
Lambertís did not know.

***

The Lambertís were seated inside a hut. They were offered juicy ET
fruit snacks. Brett took one and munched on it.

ìIt has a crunch!î Brett said. ìVery tasty!î

Suddenly, a man came to greet them. He was not a tribesman, it was an
American. He was about 19 years old. ìWelcome to the Tropian
islands. The Kinuinianís are your host. I am Aragorn, an
anthropologist. Iím studying these people. Who might you be?î

ìUh... Indiana James Lambert,î James extended his hand, Aragorn shook
it. ìWe are travellers from Canada, by way of Java.î

ìA Canadian!î

ìAnd his brother,î Brett introduced himself. ìBrett Maverick
Lambert.î

Aragorn and Brett shook hands.

***

Meanwhile, as Aragorn and the Lambert Brothers were talking, Goodsport
was spying on them. Goodsport flexed his brawny muscles, emerged from
the woods, grabbed the nearest tribe member, covered his mouth and
broke his neck. In order to not be detected, he changed into the
tribesmanís clothes. When he tried to put on the arm band, it was too
small to accommodate his massive biceps. It ripped apart. Goodsport
decided to throw it away since it was no use putting it on.

***

ìThe question is can you help us get back to Edmonton?î Brett asked.

ìA freighter comes by on occasion on itís trading run,î answered
Aragorn.

ìJames! A boat!î exclaimed Brett. ìI can smell home! Edmonton!î

ìEdmonton, shops, theaters, perfume. Beautiful girls, West Edmonton
Mall, Silver City with some midnight screenings of Indiana Jones...î

ìYouíre from Edmonton?î James asked.

ìNo, Iím actually from Valentine, Nebraska. Iíve visited Edmonton
quite frequently, and I drank Mountain Dew, boy do I love Mountain
Dew!!!

ìExcuse me, do you have a hammer or a chisel here with you?î Brett
asked.

ìWhy do you ask?î

ìWe need to open this box. It has a difficult lock,î answered Brett.

ìI might have something in my quarters. Interesting isnít it that the
nature of a society determines the nature of their tools. Here, there
are no locks. Whatever is in there must be something very sacred and
valuable to you both. Come letís go to my quarters,î said Aragorn.

The trio made their way to Aragornís house.

ìYou are welcome to stay with me until your ship comes and takes you
away,î said Aragorn.

Aragorn handed the two a hammer and a chisel to open their box.

ìI would be more than happy to cook us supper tonight, announced
Aragorn.

ìThat would be great. Thank you!î said James.

Aragorn left to go study the tribe.

ìJames, letís open the box!î said Brett. ìI canít wait to see our
prized Indy action figure!î

After prying it open finally, Brett opened the box, moments away from
Indy. Brett reached inside and held out something completely
unexpected. Rather than an Indy action figure, it was a Pokemon
action figure.

ìA Pokemon!î said Brett in disgust. ìAll this FOR A POKEMON!!î

Brett was furious. He threw the Pokemon figure across the room.

ìBrett calm down!î said James.

ìWe almost lost our lives. We almost died of thirst... FOR A
POKEMON!!!î

ìBrett chill out!î But it was too late. Brett stormed out of the
place.

James walked over and picked up the Pokemon action figure. As crappy
as it may be, there was some strange writing on it that could be the
key to finding the action figure.

***

It was night time, now. Brett, James and Aragorn sat down to have
dinner.

ìAre you going home soon?î James asked.

When Iím finished,î replied Aragorn. ìThe only time thatís important
here is that of energy. How much effort and time does it take to make
a garden? There are no buses to catch. No Mountain Dew drinks to
buy. Only the time necessary to complete the project.î

ìWhat project are you trying to complete?î asked James.

ìI want to document enough information so that this culture wonít be
lost,î responded Aragorn.

ìYeah, sounds good,î said James.

ìMountain Dew float,î said Aragorn as he brought out a glass of
Mountain Dew with a scoop of ice cream offering it to Brett and James.
ìI make the best on the island.î

Brett rejected the offer.

ìExcuse me. Iím feeling tired,î said Brett, feeling depressed and
dejected. He got up off his chair and went to bed.

***

It was night time now. Brett was sleeping. James was studying the
Pokemon figure copying down the hieroglyphics onto paper. Aragorn
walked in with some cups. James covered up his with his fedora.

ìSome Mountain dew! I ration my supply and raid it whenever I feel
homesick. And you two have reminded me of home. Of people I should
see... my brother, the Jennifer Love Hewitt look-alike I know, that
gorgeous waitress at Pizza Hut, Christina. My Lord of the Rings
novels. Everyone and everything,î reflected Aragorn. ìWhat brings
you to this part of the world?î

ìUm, treasure hunting,î answered James.

ìWhy?î asked Aragorn.

ìTo complete our Indiana Jones collection.î

ìOh, the iron box.î Aragorn concluded.

ìYeah we thought there was a rare 12 inch Indy action figure in the
box.î

ìSo now Brett is tossing and turning.î

ìYes, he was let down.î

ìSo, what are you going to do now that you donít have your treasure?î

ìGo back to Canada. Make a website with Brett.î

ìReally? Neato! Well, I must retire for the night. Good night
James-buddy!î

ìYeah, good night Aragorn-buddy,î said James.

***

The next morning, the tribesman were building a new boat. Aragorn was
studying them. Oddly enough, one of the tribesman was not helping out
and he was by far the strongest of the bunch. Instead he was flexing
his muscles.

Thatís odd behaviour, thought Aragorn.

James came and joined him.

ìWhat are they doing?î James asked.

ìBuilding a new canoe for the next cooler trading. The chief uses
these sprigs of mint to help persuade the canoe to be swift and
steady,î explained Aragorn.

ìCan I ask you a question? Do you know any ancient languages?î James
asked.

ìA bit.î

ìIíd like to show you something if I could,î James pulled out the
Pokemon figure with the strange writing.

ìHmmm...î said Aragorn.

***

The two studied the Pokemon further in his quarters.

ìDoes it make sense?î asked Aragorn.

ìIt could. The legend says the Monkís hid the action figure. One of
the last people to know about the action figureís whereabouts could
have taken it.î replied James.

ìTo the Temple of Pyaty?î asked Aragorn.

ìMaybe. But it could be another wild goose chase.î

Brett walked in the room.

ìWhat are you two doing?î asked Brett.

ìThe Pokemon had some writing on it, I think weíve deciphered it,î
answered James.

ìAwesome! Thanks Aragorn-buddy!î said Brett. ìYou should accompany
us to the action figure!î

ìIíve been thinking about that. Iím sick and tired of studying these
tribe,î confessed Aragorn. ìI want some adventure buddies!î

ìSo have you narrowed down a location?î asked Brett.

ìYeah, probably. Thereís a really high chance that itís in a Temple
at New Delhi, Indiaî said James.

ìAll right! I canít wait for the freighter to come!î said Brett
enthusiastically.

***

The tribe was preparing the canoe some more. Once again the muscular
tribesman was instead flexing his muscles. Of course, it was none
other than Goodsport. He glared at Aragorn and James who were
talking.

ìWhat are you going to do after you find the action figure?î Aragorn
asked.

ìGo back to Edmonton, make webpagesî replied James.

ìOh, Iíll go to Nebraska and try and own a Mountain Dew factory!!!î
exclaimed Aragorn.

***

Brett and James watched the sun set.

ìTomorrow, we make our way to New Delhi and the action figure will be
ours!! Haha!î said Brett.

ìYeah, itís gonna be great completing our Indy collection!î replied
James.

***

The freighter ship finally arrived. Aragorn, Brett, and James
couldnít wait to go exploring. The tribe put out their canoe and
started to row to the ship. Aragorn, Brett and James were swept with
excitement. But this final journey wouldnít be without itís dangers
and perils as muscular Goodsport was close by rowing, his eye trained
on his targets, ready to kill them as soon as they got the action
figure.

Chapter 8

Aragorn, Brett and James were aboard the ship taking them straight to
India. Goodsport was in an adjacent cabin, now dressed as a normal
passenger after knocking out one of them. Somehow, he looked
extremely out of place in the suit and tie that he was wearing. Of
course, his arms were way too huge to fit inside itís sleeves, but he
did the best he could.

The ship finally made it to India. When getting of, there were
hundreds of Hinduís lined around in Turbans. Many Hinduís were trying
to sell spices, trinkets and clothing to tourists on the street.

ìRich American!!î Buy this Jookie sock! Bring you great luck!î yelled
one street merchant as he held up a sock marked with the ìJookieî
stamp of approval.

ìNo thanks! Not interested! And Iím Canadian,î replied Brett.

ìThen rich American! Buy this Pokemon action figure! I got a new
Pikachu!î

Brett boiled up. He was severely pissed off. ìPOKEMON!!! YOU
BASTARD!!î

Brett punched him out and knocked over his stand.

ìBrett, Brett, letís move along,î James said trying to get him away
from trouble.

ìLetís go get something to eat, okay?î suggested Aragorn.

The two broke for lunch and had some pitas with cous-cous and other
fine East Indian food. Aragorn also managed to guzzle some Mountain
Dew.

Meanwhile, Goodsport, who decided to rip off his shirt since it did
not fit him, was seated behind them breaking for lunch as well,
flexing his muscles as he ate.

ìSo whereís the Temple?î Brett asked.

ìAbout two miles outside of the city I believe,î answered James.

ìGood. Letís get on the move,î announced Aragorn. ìTimeís wasting.î

The three took off and arranged for horses and supplies and headed for
the temple.

Goodsport now wasnít the only thing that would complicate the trioís
dreams, there was a secret agent tracking the whereabouts of the
action figure. His name was Indiana Jerico. He pulled out his walky
talky.

ìDeirdre? Jerico here. I think youíd better get over here to New
Delhi. Some guys are about to get the prized action figure. Youíd
better get here and weíll intercept the figure and the fortune will be
all ours! Jerico out!î reported Indiana Jerico.

***

Meanwhile, at the Temple, Aragorn and the Lambertís were digging and
chiselling away to find the action figure. They dug until they found
what looked to be the location of the action figure. It was a plaque
of Darth Vaderís face. It was embedded inside the wall.

ìThis looks to be something buddies!!î exclaimed Aragorn.

ìNeat! A Darth Vader mask!î said Brett. ìBut how does that lead to
our action figure?î

ìItís part of Lucasfilmís greatest triumph, Brettî answered James.
James pulled down on the Darth Vader mask.

This caused the other wall to move around, unveiling the prized action
figure.

ìThe action figure! Itís now ours! YIPPEE!!î Brett yelled with
enthusiasm.

ìThe three went to this wall and took a closer look. It was exactly
12 inches, exactly how it was documented. It was the most accurate
rendering of the action figure ever known to man. Brett went and
picked up the action figure. Itís face looked exactly like Harrison
Ford. Inside the mini-satchel were several changes of mini-underwear.

ìItís more beautiful than I ever imagined!î said Brett completely
spellbound.

ìAnd itís ours for the keeping!î said Aragorn.

ìWHOO!! WHOO!!î yelled James. But this celebration was short-lived,
because Goodsport walked in with a sinister toothless grin on his
face.

ìGoodsport?!? I thought you were killed by the headhunters?î James
said in disbelief.

ìItís that tribal impostor!!î concluded Aragorn. ìI knew something
was up with him!î

ìThe action figure is ours!!î Brett yelled. ìYou die Goodsport!î

Brett passed the figure to James and he went up to the big brawny
Goodsport and punched him in the face, but that hardly did anything,
as Goodsport flexed his muscles getting ready for battle and punched
him back, sending him flying across the room. James punched Goodsport
in the side, it hurt him a little bit, but ësport kicked him in the
nuts, giving James huge pain.

Aragorn picked up a shovel and hit Goodsport in the back of his legs.
This caught him by surprise, and he was knocked to his knees. Brett
regained his strength and kicked Goodsport in the jaw. Blood started
coming out of his mouth and a few teeth chipped. Goodsport resurged
and punched Goodsport in the stomach. The trio thought they had won
when all of a sudden Goodsport resurged and punched poor Aragorn in
the chest, taking away Aragornís breath temporarily. James picked
himself up and gave Goodsport a good kick to the ass, assisted by
Brett headbutting him. Finally Aragorn got up and threw Goodsport
against the wall. James went up to knee him but Goodsport grabbed
hold of Jamesí knee and flipped him over. Brett picked up a hammer
and went straight for Goodsport. He ducked from the shot and gave
Brett an upper-cut punch. Aragorn picked up his trusty shovel and hit
Goodsport in the knees, and then his nuts, and finally in the head,
sending Goodsport through the thick wall into the next room. The blow
to the head from both the shovel and crashing through the thick wall
and eventually hitting his head on the hard floor was enough to kill
Goodsport. Aragorn helped James and Brett up.

ìSo glad itís over!î Brett sighed in relief.

ìYeah, letís get the action figure and get home!î commanded Aragorn.

James picked up the figure. ìLetís go!î

Before they could leave, two more people entered. More trouble! It
was none other than Indiana Jerico and Deirdre Campbell, here to
snatch up the action figure. Indiana Jerico was armed with a handgun,
and Deirdre, curiously appeared to be unarmed.

ìNow, we will take what is ours!î said Indiana Jerico.

ìWho the hell are you?î Brett asked.

ìI am Deirdre. This is my agent, Indiana Jerico. Hand over the
action figure!î commanded Deirdre.

ìNever!î yelled Aragorn.

Aragorn went up to her and took a punch at her. Deirdre was a martial
arts expert, so she easily blocked that punch. Deirdre did a back
kick and brought down Aragorn easily. James did a flip like Obi Wan
Kenobi in ìThe Phantom Menaceî and landed right behind her. The trio
did battle. Meanwhile, Brett went for Jerico, trying to confiscate
his gun.

James twirled one revolution and kicked Deirdre in the face, knocking
Deirdre back off her feet. She got back up and kicked James in the
groin.

ìNot again!î James groaned.

Brett and Jerico were having a tug-of-war between the handgun. Brett
finally took it from Jerico, but Jerico kicked the gun out of his
hand, throwing it on the floor. Aragorn jumped into the battle and
punched Jerico in the face. Jerico was knocked to the ground.
Aragorn and Brett were standing side by side, fists in the air ready
for the next move when Jerico got up.

Meanwhile James and Deirdre were in the middle of a ferocious battle.
James took Deirdre by the hand and flipped her over. Deirdre
rebounded and kicked James in the stomach. James then elbowed her in
the side and threw her against the wall.

Jerico got back up and pounced on Brett, now having a firm hold on
him. Jerico started choking Brett with his bare hands. Aragorn
didnít know what to do. Brett was turning blue. Then Aragorn saw the
gun in the corner. He picked it up, aimed the trigger at Jericoís
heart and fired. Jerico fell back. He was dead.

James and Deirdre were still fighting. Deirdre now with the upper
hand. She had pulled a Xenia Onatopp and started choking James with
her lovely thighs.

ìWhy?!?î James yelled. ìWell, there are worse ways to go when you
think of it!î

ìLetís put an end to this one,î said Brett. ìAragorn! Pass me that
gun!î

Aragorn passed Brett the gun. Brett aimed at her head and shot her,
putting an end to Deirdre.

ìYou saved my life, Brett. Thank God!î James said trying to catch his
breath.

ìNo prob, bro! Come on letís get out of her before anymore interested
parties show up!î replied Brett.

ìYou said it!î exclaimed Aragorn. ìCome on!î

Brett picked up the action figure and the three walked out of the
temple and started to ride their horses.

ìThis way to home! Follow me, I know the way! Haha!î exclaimed Brett
galloping off, nearly losing his balance on the horse, almost falling
off.

ìGot lost in his own museum, huh?î Aragorn asked.

James gave a look of confusion and then smiled. ìWhat are you talking
about?î

ìJust trying to fill in some lines! Haha!î

The two laughed their heads off.

ìWell, James? Ready to go?î Aragorn asked.

ìYes sir! Hyah!î James said as he pulled down his fedora as he and
Aragorn galloped off.

The three of them rode off on their horses in the sunset with the
prized Indy action figure heading for home.

THE END

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