Merci.

Posted by Deirdre from 192.169.39.68 on March 20, 2000 at 02:18:27:

In Reply to: Oh, and BTW Deidre: posted by the Fiddler on March 17, 2000 at 18:28:26:

Hi! I'm back (alive but so dark-skinned that I have trouble finding myself in the dark).

: It was a REALY great chapter! Nice plot twists, and very well written!: Good job Deirdre!

Thank you.

Actualy there are two things, but I just had to say it that way to fit the protocol of your "fave." =)

Lol.

First I think it ought to be that Goodsport would have shot his partner, had he been alive, but not his wife. I can understand shooting the partner but, eventhough she was cheating on him, having him willing to have shot his wife makes him a badguy basicaly. Plus if he was willing to kill her then there would have been no combined shock of both her death and unfaithfullnes. Just shock of unfaithfullness.

According to what one gets to read in the newspapers, and hears from the radio, a lot of people actually do shoot both the wife's lover and the wife herself. His having been willing to shoot his wife, was acutally Michealson's view of the story... he was the one relating it, so he really doesn't know what Goodsport would have actually done, if he had found them still alive (Mike doesn't really know Goodsport THAT well, unlike Bill did, who was not only his partner but also his best friend).
They, BIll & Dorothy were both dead already (and I have hinted at them being murdered by someone else than expected but that is up to the next authors to pick-up, if they figure out just WHO I was hinting at).
Goodsport could put in his chapter a paragraph were he thinks the same scene over, but in another version... HIS version, like he was grief stricken then, couldn't believe what had happened... found some clues that pointed at another sort of murder (not the burglars) but someone who had set the whole scene up... yet he didn't give out these things & chose to make the others believe something else.

:The other thing was there were three people in the car: the Driver, the Passenger, and the Shooter. You made it clear that one was dead and one was alive (in critical condition), but what about the third member of the would-be assasins? --the Fiddler

Three people! Really? I read and read your chapter before writing mine, and I honestly thought that there were only 2! Then now as you mention it... there was one person in the backseat, a driver and later on someone in the passengerseat ( It hought the person in the backseat had moved over to the front seat). Uh... kindly clarify me... what happened to each and one of them? If one of them is still alive and conscious (the latter being rather unlikely after that car crash), I would need to rewrite that part entirely. SO pls... uh, let me know about that. I am sure I am not the only one who is confused about this.

Thank you for this reaction!
Deirdre

P.S. One little pointer for all authors (of this and other stories). When writting, you make or break your story in the re-write/edit stage. Mitchner said something to the effect that he wasn't a very good writer, but was the world's greatest reviser.
--Just a thought to help the authors, and to make it easier on Goodsport since you are more likely to catch grammatical stuff also when revising.

Was my grammar really that bad?

Follow Ups:

Re: Merci. the Fiddler 18:48:46 3/20/2000 (0)

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: Hi! I'm back (alive but so dark-skinned that I have trouble finding myself in the dark).

: : It was a REALY great chapter! Nice plot twists, and very well written!: Good job Deirdre!

: Thank you.

: Actualy there are two things, but I just had to say it that way to fit the protocol of your "fave." =)

: Lol.

: First I think it ought to be that Goodsport would have shot his partner, had he been alive, but not his wife. I can understand shooting the partner but, eventhough she was cheating on him, having him willing to have shot his wife makes him a badguy basicaly. Plus if he was willing to kill her then there would have been no combined shock of both her death and unfaithfullnes. Just shock of unfaithfullness.

: According to what one gets to read in the newspapers, and hears from the radio, a lot of people actually do shoot both the wife's lover and the wife herself. His having been willing to shoot his wife, was acutally Michealson's view of the story... he was the one relating it, so he really doesn't know what Goodsport would have actually done, if he had found them still alive (Mike doesn't really know Goodsport THAT well, unlike Bill did, who was not only his partner but also his best friend). 
: They, BIll & Dorothy were both dead already (and I have hinted at them being murdered by someone else than expected but that is up to the next authors to pick-up, if they figure out just WHO I was hinting at).
: Goodsport could put in his chapter a paragraph were he thinks the same scene over, but in another version... HIS version, like he was grief stricken then, couldn't believe what had happened... found some clues that pointed at another sort of murder (not the burglars) but someone who had set the whole scene up... yet he didn't give out these things & chose to make the others believe something else.

: 
: :The other thing was there were three people in the car: the Driver, the Passenger, and the Shooter. You made it clear that one was dead and one was alive (in critical condition), but what about the third member of the would-be assasins? --the Fiddler
:

: Three people! Really? I read and read your chapter before writing mine, and I honestly thought that there were only 2! Then now as you mention it... there was one person in the backseat, a driver and later on someone in the passengerseat ( It hought the person in the backseat had moved over to the front seat). Uh... kindly clarify me... what happened to each and one of them? If one of them is still alive and conscious (the latter being rather unlikely after that car crash), I would need to rewrite that part entirely. SO pls... uh, let me know about that. I am sure I am not the only one who is confused about this.

: 
: <center>Thank you for this reaction!
: Deirdre</center>

: 
: P.S. One little pointer for all authors (of this and other stories). When writting, you make or break your story in the re-write/edit stage. Mitchner said something to the effect that he wasn't a very good writer, but was the world's greatest reviser.
: --Just a thought to help the authors, and to make it easier on Goodsport since you are more likely to catch grammatical stuff also when revising.

: Was my grammar really that bad?

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