Writing tips

Posted by Brian K. from kbowen.xyplex.com on July 03, 2000 at 00:36:39:

I was wondering if anyone could give me some pointers on good story writing. What I've read so far of some of the work is really cool. Is this just natural ability, or a class? I'm taking my first crack at Indy writing. Everything I write tends to sound aweful ( I think ). Here's the intro to an Indy short story I'm writing, just to give you an impression of where I stand right now....something's off on the way I'm writing this, but I'm not sure what it is....comments appreciated.

The darkness still enveloped as a voice called. Softly at first, but growing louder. It was hard to determine what the voice said, but with each passing moment the words became more distinct. Perhaps he could elude whoever it was if he remained still. Regardless, he knew responding could only mean trouble. At times, it almost scared him to think he had a sixth sense about these things. That had served him well in the past. Hopefully, it would serve him now.

“Dr. Jones!” the voice insisted. A tension was building behind the words, and he knew he could ignore it no longer. Henry Jones, Jr. started as his hat unexpectedly moved. This was it.

His eyes suddenly strained against a bright light as the first few rays of sun met them with a brilliant intensity. Adjusting quickly, a shape took form and became recognizable.

“What is it, Irene?” He responded testily. “This better be important. I was in the middle of a great dream.”

Irene was Professor Jones’ secretary. He’d gotten to know her pretty well of the few years she’d worked for him. She was a rather forceful young woman, a quality that he both liked and despised at the same time. He could not help but notice that she looked particularly good today, with her shoulder length blonde hair curling around her neck. She was wearing a rather snugly fitting green dress that looked very flattering on her. Henry could tell she was planning on going out for an evening. For a moment, he almost thought she looked like Elsa Schneider, but that moment faded quickly. Elsa had been gone for quite some time.

Getting up from behind his desk, Dr. Jones reached for his hat, which she still held in her hand. Looking around, he found his eyeglasses. At some point, he thought, he was going to have to clean this place up. Replacing the fedora on his head, Irene began with her now customary apology for disturbing him. Judging by her tone, Indy thought that last crack he made annoyed her a little more than usual. Oh well, he’d make it up to her at Christmas. She always enjoyed the little gifts he brought back from “field studies.” If she only knew the half of what went on, he thought, she'd understand why he slept this afternoon.

“I’m sorry Dr. Jones, but there are two men waiting outside to see you. They insisted on speaking to you immediately, and I didn’t know what else to do.”

“Tell them to make an appointment.” He said dryly.

Turning around, Irene proceeded to walk out quickly, obviously not amused.

Following to his office door, Indy was quickly stopped by two men. The first was a tall with graying black hair, and a fairly muscular build. His partner was a shorter man with dark brown hair and a neatly trimmed beard. It struck Indy that if he wasn’t dressed so formally, he might have passed for a student. He couldn’t have been more than 30. They wore very similar, very ill-fitting, suits. The only immediate difference he noticed was the color. The taller gentleman was in a dark blue sport coat, the other in light brown. Both had white shirts with black ties. It immediately struck him how imaginative these two must be.

“Dr. Jones, we need to speak to you in private please,” the older one said rather gruffly.

With that, they went inside, not even waiting for him to grant a response. That was strike one. Turning around quickly, he faced the intruders as they walked over to his desk, standing in front of the only two chairs in the room besides his own. They surveyed the area intensely as Indy closed the door behind him.

Walking toward them, Indy was ready to demand an explanation. “Just who do you think you are barging in here like this?” he said as he sat down, ignoring their outstretched hands.

“You two are either here to sell me a suit or you work for the government. Either way, I’d say you’re in for a disappointment.” Indy continued. That sixth sense was creeping up on him.

With an awkward pause, they sat down immediately. The old chairs made a complaining creak as their weight settled into them.

“I’m afraid you’re wrong on both counts, Dr. Jones.” The shorter one replied quickly, relishing the opportunity to quickly rebuff the archaeologist. Indy could tell he wouldn’t like him from the start. Strike two. That sixth sense was getting worse.

Follow Ups:

Re: Writing tips Goodsport 02:25:27 7/04/2000 (2)
- Re: Writing tips Goodsport 02:26:49 7/04/2000 (1)
  - Haven't thought of one yet..... Brian K. 14:02:54 7/05/2000 (0)
Re: Writing tips Kent Allard 01:09:22 7/03/2000 (0)

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: I was wondering if anyone could give me some pointers on good story writing.  What I've read so far of some of the work is really cool.  Is this just natural ability, or a class?  I'm taking my first crack at Indy writing.  Everything I write tends to sound aweful ( I think ).  Here's the intro to an Indy short story I'm writing, just to give you an impression of where I stand right now....something's off on the way I'm writing this, but I'm not sure what it is....comments appreciated.

: The darkness still enveloped as a voice called.  Softly at first, but growing louder.  It was hard to determine what the voice said, but with each passing moment the words became more distinct.  Perhaps he could elude whoever it was if he remained still.  Regardless, he knew responding could only mean trouble.  At times, it almost scared him to think he had a sixth sense about these things.  That had served him well in the past.  Hopefully, it would serve him now.

: “Dr. Jones!” the voice insisted.  A tension was building behind the words, and he knew he could ignore it no longer.  Henry Jones, Jr. started as his hat unexpectedly moved. This was it.

: His eyes suddenly strained against a bright light as the first few rays of sun met them with a brilliant intensity. Adjusting quickly, a shape took form and became recognizable.

: “What is it, Irene?”  He responded testily.  “This better be important.  I was in the middle of a great dream.”

: Irene was Professor Jones’ secretary.  He’d gotten to know her pretty well of the few years she’d worked for him.  She was a rather forceful young woman, a quality that he both liked and despised at the same time.  He could not help but notice that she looked particularly good today, with her shoulder length blonde hair curling around her neck.  She was wearing a rather snugly fitting green dress that looked very flattering on her.  Henry could tell she was planning on going out for an evening.  For a moment, he almost thought she looked like Elsa Schneider, but that moment faded quickly.  Elsa had been gone for quite some time.

: Getting up from behind his desk, Dr. Jones reached for his hat, which she still held in her hand.  Looking around, he found his eyeglasses.  At some point, he thought, he was going to have to clean this place up.  Replacing the fedora on his head, Irene began with her now customary apology for disturbing him.  Judging by her tone, Indy thought that last crack he made annoyed her a little more than usual.  Oh well, he’d make it up to her at Christmas.  She always enjoyed the little gifts he brought back from “field studies.”    If she only knew the half of what went on, he thought, she'd understand why he slept this afternoon.

: “I’m sorry Dr. Jones, but there are two men waiting outside to see you.  They insisted on speaking to you immediately, and I didn’t know what else to do.”

: “Tell them to make an appointment.” He said dryly.

: Turning around, Irene proceeded to walk out quickly, obviously not amused.

: Following to his office door, Indy was quickly stopped by two men.  The first was a tall with graying black hair, and a fairly muscular build.  His partner was a shorter man with dark brown hair and a neatly trimmed beard.  It struck Indy that if he wasn’t dressed so formally, he might have passed for a student.  He couldn’t have been more than 30.  They wore very similar, very ill-fitting, suits.  The only immediate difference he noticed was the color.  The taller gentleman was in a dark blue sport coat, the other in light brown.  Both had white shirts with black ties.  It immediately struck him how imaginative these two must be.

: “Dr. Jones, we need to speak to you in private please,” the older one said rather gruffly.

: With that, they went inside, not even waiting for him to grant a response.  That was strike one.  Turning around quickly, he faced the intruders as they walked over to his desk, standing in front of the only two chairs in the room besides his own.  They surveyed the area intensely as Indy closed the door behind him.

: Walking toward them, Indy was ready to demand an explanation.  “Just who do you think you are barging in here like this?” he said as he sat down, ignoring their outstretched hands.

: “You two are either here to sell me a suit or you work for the government.  Either way, I’d say you’re in for a disappointment.”  Indy continued.  That sixth sense was creeping up on him.

: With an awkward pause, they sat down immediately.  The old chairs made a complaining creak as their weight settled into them.

: “I’m afraid you’re wrong on both counts, Dr. Jones.”  The shorter one replied quickly, relishing the opportunity to quickly rebuff the archaeologist.  Indy could tell he wouldn’t like him from the start.  Strike two.  That sixth sense was getting worse.

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