Not bad, BUT...

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Posted by WndJameR from 198.23.26.253 on February 08, 2001 at 21:26:28:

In Reply to: A new story, read and relate please. Thanks posted by Dawn Lechner on February 06, 2001 at 16:45:06:

As Indiana Jimmie already noted Indy's hands being tied, I won't elaborate on that. However when Indy is on the ground flailng around, you have him kick the one guard in the head then jump up and wrest the gun from his hands. The other guard would simply have shot Indy at this point. Also, it is very difficult to go from laying down to a fighting position, especially from on your back. A better choice would have Indy literally kick the one guard back into the other, whereas the second falls back against the wall, stricking his head, stunning him and causing him to to drop his gun. That way he is realistically out of the picture and unable to shoot while Indy tussles with the first. Meanwhile, Indy, still on the floor, follows with a leg sweep, dropping the first guard onto the floor where they could wrestle over the gun. One bad habit of a lot of writers that I've noticed in fan fiction (and also surprising, a lot of published work) is to make the the bad guys morons. The Nazis may have been a lot of bad things, but for the most part, they were very well trained and equipped. And if this story takes place before the actual outset of WWII, these tended to be the cream of the crop. The badly trained draftees came after Germany started losing the war. The second guard would not have thrown his weapon at Indy unless it jammed (story line possibilty?), he would have simply shot him. Depending upon his orders, he may have also shot the first guard too, if he could not get a clear shot, rather than let Indy get away. Remember, although he is extremely intellegent, resourcesfull, AND LUCKY, Indy is still just a man, limited to what the law of physics will allow. Don't make him into a superman, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. I think you'll find your story will be appreciated much more, the closer you keep Indy to the characterization portrayed in the movies (Personally opinion, although Indy hated Nazis, I don't think he would bank on them being stupid. He would definately try a plan like yours because he could not see any other options, but not just because they were idiots)


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