Posted by Fan from dial-10.r07.nclxtn.infoave.net on August 02, 1998 at 20:42:04:
In Reply to: Indiana Jones and the Immortal Man posted by Steve McCrary on August 02, 1998 at 14:11:08:
: I don't wanna sound selfish or vain or anything, but has anyone seen my story on Indyfan.com?
: It's called Indiana Jones and the Immortal man, centering around a bitter dark age knight who wants overthrow of Europe. Indy must stop him.
: I really need feedback on this. either reply here or E-mail me. I'm a young author, I need help!! thanks.
Overall, I enjoyed your story. A few things nagged at me though - such as why did the pilots bail out?
That was never explained, nor why Manning goes to see Indy & gets him to go along on the quest? If he was in
league with the dark knight (who knew where to find the grail), then why didn't he go with him? How would
Indy have ever found out since he was essentially an administrator in a small college. Also, Manning seems
to be pretty stupid - he hung around waiting to be turned over to the authorities for conspiracy. How could
Indy or any court of law have proved that?
For a first work it was pretty good. Continue what you're doing - you certainly have talent. I hope my
small concerns don't discourage you - I really think you write very well and I am looking forward to reading
more of your work.
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