Hollywood Horrors?

Posted by The Spatsman from spider-wg054.proxy.aol.com on October 12, 2000 at 01:23:54:

Hey, gang...
My earlier post about enjoying halloween haunted, or dark, attractions, got me thinking. How would Jones deal with some of our societies greatest horror monsters and villians?
I got a few theories, here...

1.) The Mummy
Well, it's hard to improve on Brendan Frasers' handling of that particular problem. He operated in the Jones School of Luck and Daring rather well on his own, though Sallah would have been very useful as a companion.
2.) A Nightmare on Elm Street
Find the ancient stone/text/sculpture/whatever that deals with the myth of the nightmare demon, and learn how to contain it appropriatly, so that it can take it's place near the Ark in that government warehouse.
3.) Night of The Living Dead
Arrange to have the Ark opened, and let the Almighty deal with these shambling, rotted things on His own terms.
4.) Dracula, or Vlad Tepes
Been there, done that. With Anne Rices' vampires, however, Indy simply joins up with the Talamasca and locates Marius' island stronghold. Once the King and the Queen are dealt with, no more leeches, problem solved. Lestat's record royalties roll over to the Talamasca, and the scroll of the Twins goes to a museum...where it belongs!
5.) Victor Frankenstein's Monster
Indy travels to Switzerland on the assumption of seeking the fabled Spear of Destiny, gets the Nazi's on his tail, irritates the creature with fire, runs directly at Himmler. Keeps running, leaving Nazi troops to deal with creature. Gives Himmler's hat to a museum.
6.) Jason
Indy circulates rumors throughout the historic community that a Chachapoyan relic can be located near Crystal Lake. Lets Belloq have fun on his own.
7.) Hellraiser Series
Indy obtains Pleasure Box Puzzle, then immediatly submits it to the government's 'top men'.
8.) Scream
Indy answers phone, taunts killer into a rage. Killer enters house, is immediatly shot. If killer has a partner, Indy runs from this second threat into Marcus' museum, losing killer in the process.
Indy then baits the killer into the Chacapoyan display, and uses whip to disarm killer and force him/her into a case of poisoned temple darts. Trilogy ends before it begins, members of the Scream Fan Forum rumor about another movie and debate Harrison's age as a factor.
That's all I got for now.
It's that time of year, gang...anyone else got some ideas?
~The Spatsman

Follow Ups:

Re: Hollywood Horrors? Inby 01:56:42 10/12/2000 (1)
- Re: Personally, I think Jones could solve this entire Blair Witch mystery once and for all, but I don't care to indulge that scenario too deeply...(hint: shoot anyone who loses map or throws hissy-fit) The Spatsman 03:01:15 10/12/2000 (0)

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: Hey, gang...
:    My earlier post about enjoying halloween haunted, or dark, attractions, got me thinking. How would Jones deal with some of our societies greatest horror monsters and villians?
: I got a few theories, here...
:  
: 1.) The Mummy
:     Well, it's hard to improve on Brendan Frasers' handling of that particular problem. He operated in the Jones School of Luck and Daring rather well on his own, though Sallah would have been very useful as a companion.
: 2.) A Nightmare on Elm Street
:     Find the ancient stone/text/sculpture/whatever that deals with the myth of the nightmare demon, and learn how to contain it appropriatly, so that it can take it's place near the Ark in that government warehouse.
: 3.) Night of The Living Dead
:     Arrange to have the Ark opened, and let the Almighty deal with these shambling, rotted things on His own terms.
: 4.) Dracula, or Vlad Tepes
:     Been there, done that. With Anne Rices' vampires, however, Indy simply joins up with the Talamasca and locates Marius' island stronghold. Once the King and the Queen are dealt with, no more leeches, problem solved. Lestat's record royalties roll over to the Talamasca, and the scroll of the Twins goes to a museum...where it belongs!
: 5.) Victor Frankenstein's Monster
:     Indy travels to Switzerland on the assumption of seeking the fabled Spear of Destiny, gets the Nazi's on his tail, irritates the creature with fire, runs directly at Himmler. Keeps running, leaving Nazi troops to deal with creature. Gives Himmler's hat to a museum.
: 6.) Jason
:     Indy circulates rumors throughout the historic community that a Chachapoyan relic can be located near Crystal Lake. Lets Belloq have fun on his own.
: 7.) Hellraiser Series
:     Indy obtains Pleasure Box Puzzle, then immediatly submits it to the government's 'top men'.
: 8.) Scream
:     Indy answers phone, taunts killer into a rage. Killer enters house, is immediatly shot. If killer has a partner, Indy runs from this second threat into Marcus' museum, losing killer in the process.
: Indy then baits the killer into the Chacapoyan display, and uses whip to disarm killer and force him/her into a case of poisoned temple darts. Trilogy ends before it begins, members of the Scream Fan Forum rumor about another movie and debate Harrison's age as a factor.
: That's all I got for now.
: It's that time of year, gang...anyone else got some ideas?
: ~The Spatsman

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