Sorry for the double post. This one can be deleted. (nm)

Posted by bud-arc from ts002d36.sto-ca.concentric.net on April 15, 2001 at 02:48:54:

In Reply to: Finding Humor in the Seemingly Non-Humorous: COMPLETE TRILOGY posted by bud-arc on April 15, 2001 at 02:41:47:

: Here it is, finally, the full version of my "Finding Humor in the Seemingly Non-Humorous" series, which looks into funny, but not funny, moments in the Indy movies. It was a fun little project I worked on since last year, and it ended up as a work-in-progress. I used suggestions from Indyfans to make this better, and bring you this full, complete list. I hope you enjoy it.

INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM

: I was reading some of the older posts and I noticed this subject on things that are funny, but not funny, so I thought I'd share my thoughts on my favorite funny Indy things. All these are from Temple of Doom, since I just saw it again today -- perhaps I'll send it my list for the other two movies once I see them again. Here they are in chronological order...the COMPLETE list of funny/non-funny things in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom:

: 1)Indy attempts to take a sip of the poison-spiked champagne and is knocked awkwardly by Willie, preventing Indy from drinking.
: 2)One of Lao Che's henchmen laughs a little too hard, and then throws a flaming stake through another guy's heart.
: 3)Willie handles the diamond carefully only to have it knocked 50ft out of her hands by a poisoned, desperate Indy.
: 4)The whole scene with Indy chasing, flying, and sliding through the floors trying to get the antidote.
: 5)The whole plane escape scene with the raft ducking trees in the snow and landing miles into a river of raging rapids.
: 6)The faces of the villagers as Willie attempts to mount the elephant.
: 7)Willie starts complaining that she's a singer and her voice gets all choked up and cracks.
: 8)The whole part with Willie being chased by jungle animals and Shorty and Indy catching each other cheating.
: 9)When Indy sees the snake and throws himself up against the rock.
: 10)Upon viewing the Snake Surprise, Shorty drops a bean out of his mouth.
: 11)The part when Indy and Willie are all lusty and Indy acts conceited, saying, "I'll let you know in the morning." Then Indy saying that he's not that easy, either.
: 12)While waiting for the 5 minutes, Indy checks his breath and sort of pauses as if it's really bad.
: 13)The Thuggee guard getting caught up in the fan by the whip.
: 14)Shorty all innocently starting the booby-traps.
: 15)Willie and the bugs, while Indy and Shorty are getting all squished. Then, when finally getting the door opened, she runs in screaming and drops the lantern and starts the whole spike device all over again.
: 16)When Indy takes the stones, and bows his head to the evil-looking snake on the statue of Kali.
: 17)When Indy throws a rock at the guard's head, with a direct hit, then feeling all satisfied with himself, turns around and is met my 10 Thuggees.
: 18)When Indy is approached by the menacing Thuggee with the blood of the Black Sleep, and he is not intimidated, instead Indy just says, "Hi."
: 19)The stuntdouble Shorty that scrawls up the rope like a spider, after pushing down the ladder.
: 20)When Indy is burned and snaps out of the Black Sleep, he grabs Shorty and winks at him, and the look on Shorty's face is hilarious.
: 21)When we know that Indy is back to normal, and we hear a couple of solid punches off-screen, and then a Thuggee is thrown across the floor.
: 22)When the Thuggee throws the hammer behind him and hits another guard on the head(who flinches even before the hammer hits him).
: 23)With his last strength, Indy dropkicks the Thuggee.
: 24)The fake Indy is thrown into the minecart like a sack of potatoes.
: 24b)When the big Thuggee grabs Short Round by the collar and tosses him aside, Shorty looks like Mary Poppins. (Thanks to Stuntman)
: 25)When Indy runs away and in mid-run arcs in pain when the voodoo doll is stabbed in the back.
: 26)Indy hits the Thuggee with a saw.
: 27)Indy hitting the guard on both sides with jugs and the guard dropping a rock on his own head.
: 28)Not sure whether he should call him Indy or Dr. Jones, Shorty decides to call him Dr. Indy.
: 29)The gay smile that Shorty and the Prince give each other, when Shorty says "Thank you".
: 30)Shorty blowing everybody away with a big stick.
: 31)In the mine cart chase, Indy easily rips the gun out of the Thuggee's grasp.
: 32)Indy slugging a guard on the minecart, missing, then he and Willie laugh, and he gets attacked again.
: 33)Indy's feet on fire, and he yells "Water, Water!" Then he sees the oncoming rush of water and he points and stumbles off.
: 34)The ILM effect of Indy, Shorty, and Willie looking all decrepit when the water gushes out of the hole.
: 35)Shorty assures Willie that the rope bridge is made of "strong wood". Then he falls through like an idiot.
: 36)Indy seeing the two swordsmen and reaching for his gun to shoot them down as in Raiders, but there is nothing there.
: 37)Indy yelling to scare off the guard, but then gets chased by 100 more guards.
: 38)Indy seeing no way out of his situation -- "Oh, shit"
: 39)Indy calling to Mola Ram, but it sounds like he's calling him a moron.
: 40)"Prepare to meet Kali - IN HELL!"

:
:

RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK

: Dedicated to Shishak

: Hey, dudes and dudettes! Yes, it's the return of my little mini-series: Finding humor in the seemingly non-humorous, where I explore the funny/non-funny things you can find in the Indy trilogy. You see, when you start watching the movies as many times as I have, you start looking into it too much and start laughing at things that you've seen so many times. Anyway, this is the COMPLETE list for RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK (Version 2.01):

: 1. Sapito running away like an idiot when he gets scared by the bats; Indy just trudges on over, unamused.
: 2. Our first glimpse of Indy: looking WAY too pissed off as the guy scurries off.
: 3. Sapito with fifty tarantulas on his back.
: 4. Sapito face when he screams looking at the spikes coming out of the wall.
: 5. Sapito half-falling off the whip, whilst swinging. When he finally regains his balance, he latches onto Indy and he pushes him aside.
: 6. Indy throwing Sapito against the wall. "That's what scares me." Then he reaches for the torch in Sapito's backpack and he flinches cowardly.
: 7. "Stay here." "If you insist, senior."
: 8. Indy almost losing his balance and Sapito starts to worry
: 9. Indy looking at his reflection through the idol.
: 10. Indy's escape. Jumping down the stairs and outrunning the darts.
: 11. Sapito swinging over the chasm and falling on his ass.
: 12. Sapito running with the idol and getting spiked like a MORON. "Adios stupido."
: 13. Indy running out of the way of the boulder and diving, only to be faced by 100 Hovitos.
: 14. Indy making a break for it while the Hovitos are being distracted.
: 15. "Start the engines, Jock! Get it up!"
: 16. Indy noticing Reggie. "There's a big snake in the plane, Jock! I hate snakes, Jock! I hate 'em!" "Come on. Show a little backbone, willya?"
: 17. Indy stuttering at noticing the "I" Love You girl.
: 18. Class dismissed. Last to exit is a pissed off student who practically throws an apple at Indy.
: 19. Indy talking to Marcus. "Want to hear about it?" "Not at all." Also, Marcus is playing with the stuff on Indy's desk as he talks to him.
: 20. At meeting the Army Intelligence: "What do I want to see them for? What am I, in trouble?"
: 21. "Any of you guys ever go to Sunday school?"
: 22. Indy pacing excitedly at the news of Tanis and Abner Ravenwood. He's giddy as a schoolboy as he attempts to explain what the Staff of Ra is and as he fumbles with the lock on his Bible to show them the Ark.
: 23. "Power of God, or something."
: 24. Indy is WAY too happy when he learns of the news from Marcus back at his place.
: 25. "What are you trying to do, scare me? You sound like my mother."
: 26. The drunk smiling foolishly as he passes out at the Raven Bar.
: 27. Marion punching Indy when he turns away. Indy's surprised expression.
: 28. "I can only say I'm sorry so many times." Marion breaking glasses. "Well say it again!" "Sorry."
: 29. "See you tomorrow, Indiana Jones!" Indy has a confused look on his face, as if expecting something.
: 30. Marion's meeting with the stuttering Toht. "Listen, Herr Mac..."
: 31. Marion with the glowering coal in her face. Indy immediately whips it away and the curtains burst into flames.
: 32. Indy's about to get his face burned off. "...whiskey?"
: 33. Marion bludgeoning the Nepalese with the stick.
: 34. "Shoot them, shoot them both!" At this both Indy and the Nepalese look at each other and start shooting the other guy. Afterward, Indy resumes beating him up.
: 35. Toht burning his hand on the Headpiece of the Staff of Ra and bursting through the door, then jumps into the snow.
: 36. The monkey jumping onto Marion, catching her off guard. "What a wonderful little creature."
: 37. "They call him 'Bellosh.'" Indy starts laughing hysterically. "Belloq. Belloq!"
: 38. "They have not one brain among them...except one."
: 39. "How dare you talk that way about our baby. He's got your looks." "Yeah, and your brains."
: 40. "It's a date - (voice cracking) ya eat 'em!"
: 41. Monkey doing the Heil Hitler sign. The Nazi doing it back, then looks around to see if anyone saw him.
: 42. The whole Cairo market fight. "Duck!" Indy repeatedly throws Marion around while fighting the swordsmen. The swordsmen ultimately defeat themselves with badly misplaced lunges.
: 42b. Is it just me, or do a lot of the Cairo swordsmen already have gunshot/stabwounds before they actually get them (like Indy and the spiders during the Peru scene--you can see them on his back from one frontal shot, then when the scene cuts to a view from behind him, they are gone, then you get to the part where Sapito points them out, and they are there again...of course). (Thanks to Freudenthal)
: 43. Marion with the frying pan against the man with knife (and bad teeth). "Right." She runs away into the alley and knocks him out.
: 44. Indy hoarsely calling out: "Marion!" Then meeting up with the big, bad swordsman, which he unceremoniously shoots. :)
: 45. Indy's face as he sees all the people with baskets. He then proceeds to throw them all down, which would probably hurt Marion real bad if she had been in any of them.
: 46. At Marion's "death," Indy gets all liquored up.
: 47. "You looking for me?" The man starts laughing psychotically and Indy smiles.
: 48. Indy's not too happy at his second meeting with Belloq. "Let us sit down like civilized people." The reaction Indy provides at this point is a mocking advance. By far the funniest thing I've ever seen! :)
: 49. "I see your taste in friends remains consistent."
: 50. Indy's side-view pissed off face. "Try the local sewer."
: 51. Indy's face progressively getting more and more angry. "Now you're gettin' nasty!" "You know it's true. How nice."
: 52. "You want to talk to God? Let's see him together. I've got nothing better to do." At this point, the children rush in and Indy starts grinning. "Better than the United States Marines, eh?"
: 53. Excitedly, Indy and Sallah say together: "They're digging in the wrong place!" "I am the Monarch of the Sea, I am the Ruler of the Coop..."
: 54. Throughout the scene where the Headpiece is getting translated, Indy keeps getting interrupted as he attempts to pop the date into his mouth, until finally he does and Sallah catches it. "Bad dates."
: 55. Sallah and Indy casually throwing the staff and rope down into the Map Room and lowering himself in.
: 56. Sallah being down the sand by the Nazis. He then proceeds to fashion a makeshift rope out of sheets and a Nazi flag.
: 57. Indy sweating like hell as he writes down the location and coordinates of the Well of the Souls.
: 58. Indy doing a little pirouette in order to avoid the oncoming Nazis as he ducks into the nearest tent.
: 59. Marion doing a weird sound of joy as Indy starts kissing her.
: 60. Marion seemingly yelling obscenities at Indy when he puts the gag back on her.
: 61. Indy's face looking maniacal as they unearth the antechamber to the Well of the Souls.
: 62. Sallah sees the snake-faced statue. "Gaaaa! ... Sorry, Indy."
: 63. Indy's face full of pure exhaustion. "Snakes? Why'd it have to be snakes?" "Asps. Very dangerous. You go first."
: 64. Belloq presents the dress to Marion. (mouth full of bread) "Beautiful." "I'd very much like to see you in it." "Ha! I bet you would!"
: 65. Indy falls off rope, in front of cobra. His face full of horror. (duh, why is there a piece of glass separating Indy and the snake?) :)
: 65b. I like the part when Indy's sliding down the rope into the snake pit and you can tell he REALLY does not want to go down there. 8D (Thanks to Indy's Girl)
: 66. "I told you it would be all right! Ha-ha!"
: 67. Indy spraying the snakes like there's no tomorrow and burning them.
: 68. Belloq and Marion getting a little too drunk and laughing hysterically. Belloq pours the liquor down his throat (a la Marion) and starts choking.
: 69. Marion pours the drink into her glass, missing completely. Then Marion pulls a knife on him, and they burst out laughing. "Well, I have to be going now." Belloq waves her on drunkedly.
: 70. Toht threatening Marion with his...coat-hanger! Both Marion and Belloq breathe a sign of relief.
: 71. Indy fending off the snakes with the torch. "Ha!"
: 72. Indy gets caught in antechamber by Belloq. "Why don't you come up here? I'll show ya!" "Ha ha ha ha...son of a bitch..."
: 73. When Marion falls, she escapes deadly cobra and climbs onto Indy awkwardly.
: 74. Toht laughing psychotically when both Indy and Marion are trapped in Well of the Souls.
: 75. Indy seeing Marion in dress and getting angry. "How hard were you trying?"
: 76. When Indy climbs the statue with torch clenched in his teeth, he happily burns a snake and it falls on Marion.
: 76b. When Indy pushes the stone out of the little building to get out of the Well of Souls, the way he falls halfway out himself. (Thanks to Freudenthal)
: 76c. After crawling out of the same hole above, Indy looks around to make sure coast is clear before helping Marion out. Scene cuts to view from distance, and we see a sleeping worker laying against the wall about 2 feet to the left of where they are getting out. (Thanks to Freudenthal)
: 77. The entire German Mechanic fight. Indy is not very enthusiastic when he begins fighting him. He kicks him in the crotch, bites him, and throws sand in his face. When German Mechanic finally meets his demise, Indy grins and ducks his head into the sand.
: 77b. As a mechanical engineer, I always just roll my eyes when the flying wing's wingtip neatly "knocks off" a whole fuel cap structure on the fuel truck, with no denting or tearing of welds on the structure. And for fuel to be pouring out like that afterwards, it would half to be filled past the level of the fuel cap. Sorry, it's just the engineer in me. (Thanks to Freudenthal)
: 78. "Psst." Sallah enters the tent. "Oh, my friends! I'm so pleased you're not dead!"
: 79. Indy at deciding to go after the truck: "I don't know...I'm making this up as I go..."
: 80. Indy and Nazi are fighting at the wheel. Suddenly a wide-eyed peasant falls on the windshield and flies off soon thereafter. Indy and the Nazi share a little laugh before Indy decides to throw him out of the truck entirely.
: 81. Indy, with an evil gleam in his eye, knocking people off the side of the truck and looking back psychotically.
: 82. Nazi climbs the top of the truck. His hat is blown off and he looks back all surprised.
: 82b. Not really humorous, I guess, but I think Harrison Ford can express feeling pain very well. Prime example is when the Nazi guy punches him on the gunshot wound in his arm before throwing him out of the truck. (Thanks to Freudenthal)
: 83. The whole dramatic scene of Indy going under the truck and getting back inside. We see the Nazi attempting the same and getting scrunched. Ha-ha! :)
: 84. When Indy knocks the car with Belloq in it and goes towards the camera before swerving the other way, you can see a "fake" Indy in the driver's seat.
: 85. Mr. Katanga: "Your appearance is exactly the way I imagined it." He and Sallah laugh, while Indy is clearly unamused.
: 86. Sallah and Indy say their good-byes. Sallah squeezes Indy too hard and Indy groans. Then Marion kisses Sallah and he starts singing merrily.
: 87. When Indy is checking the scars on his face in the mirror, Marion accidentally smacks him upside the chin whilst checking herself out on the other side.
: 88. "It's not the years, it's the mileage." Indy wants to be left alone because he is in total pain. "Go away!" "Ow! It hurts!" Then Marion asks where it doesn't hurt and Indy immediately points to his elbow.
: 89. Indy spying on the Nazis through the hold and ducking abruptly when the nearby Nazi turns and throws his cigarette inside.
: 90. Indy climbing onto the Nazi submarine and looking cool...but a little disoriented, as he wonders what to do next.
: 91. Indy grabbing the Nazi and taking his uniform...hmmm, a bit too small. He then gets caught by another Nazi and kicks him in the balls, hard. Another kick presents him with the second Nazi's hat, to complete his disguise.
: 92. Indy, in uniform, bumping into Belloq purposely, then looking back with a smirk on his face.
: 93. Belloq, making his speech about archaeology, has a fly buzz into his mouth...and we never see the poor little guy again...:)
: 94. When the Ark is opened, and only sand is found, Toht starts laughing a little bit TOO hard, for no apparent reason except that he's not right in the head...
: 95. Now, when the Ark's power starts to set in, Toht's laughing is replaced by girlish screaming.
: 96. The facial expressions when the Ark is doing its work to the Nazis...also, right before the three antagonists melt or explode.
: 97. When the power of God is returning to the sky, you can see a cheesy Nazi dummy flying upwards and looking quite screwed-up.
: 98. The bureaucrats not wanting to tell much about the location of the Ark. "We've got top men working on it." "Who?" "Top...men."
: 98b. I like your #98: The funny thing is, who is the top man on the ark...Indy, of course! (Thanks to Freudenthal)
: 99. Indy, pissed off about the situation of the Ark, runs down the stairs in anguish. "Fools! Bureaucratic fools!"
: 100. Dah! There is no one-hundred!

:
:

INDIANA JONES AND THE LAST CRUSADE

: Dedicated to Indy's Girl

: Come gather 'round, you young'uns! Today (or tonight...it's awfully late), I conclude my famous series that took nearly a year in the making: Finding Humor in the Seemingly Non-Humorous: The Last Crusade Edition. You see, a long moon ago (several months), someone came up with the idea of looking for all the funny/non-funny moments in the Indy movies. I decided to expand on this idea and list EVERY SINGLE thing that seems funny to me, after watching them over and over all this time. And, let me say right now, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade was the hardest one for me to do. There are just so many funny/non-funny things that make me laugh in that movie, that I'm practically guffawing throughout the flick! So, here, I present to you the official in-depth, thorough analysis on LC. Keep in mind that I spent all weekend working on this; 2 hours turned into 2 days the way I was viewing it (I should be getting paid for this!). Above all, ENJOY! And here it is, for your viewing pleasure:

: 1. "Dismount!" Herman (carsick) falls off his horse.
: 2. "Indy" gives a heroic stance and examines the Cross of Coronado with the brim of his hat way over his eyes, until he looks up and we clearly see that he is not Indy, but "Fedora." What a dirty trick!
: 3. Young Indy grabs Herman and bosses him around. Herman starts acting scared because of a snake in his lap, but Indy, non-fazed, casually picks it up and throws it over his shoulder.
: 4. Indy runs out of the cave, his arms flailing. "Everybody's lost but me!"
: 5. Indy jumps off of the cliff onto the horse, but misses his mark.
: 6. Fedora, running after Indy, whistles, and suddenly, as if on cue, two vehicles come out of nowhere.
: 7. Indy runs on top of the train, dodging giraffe heads, while everybody else is jumping and falling.
: 8. Indy rolls and falls headfirst into the vat of snakes. We see a distant shot of the train, and we hear: "Argh!"
: 9. Indy pulls a snake out of his shirt, and not knowing what to do, flings it into the surrounding forest.
: 10. The rhinoceros' horn comes up through the train, right between Indy's legs. "Holy smokes!" (if you look carefully, he's lip-syncing "Holy sh...")
: 11. Indy falls smack-dab into the lion cage, and freaks out. He starts yelling and thrashing his arms about, trying to scare it, but it's clear that Indy is the one who's scared.
: 12. Fedora - "Toss up the whip!" (Reminds me a lot of Sapito in Raiders)
: 13. Indy to Fedora, in a desperate voice, "This belongs in a museum!"
: 14. Indy jumps into the magic box and somehow ends up outside of the train altogether.
: 15. Indy, a job well done, gets home to his disapproving father, who refuses to listen to him and makes him count to 20 in Greek. (Correction thanks to Dusty Fedora)
: 16. Herman, his face red and sweaty, walks into the Jones household and starts blowing his horn. Indy swipes it away, and gets Herman-spit all over him.
: 17. Young Indy turns into Indy, as the fedora is placed on his head. When we see the "new" Indy, he is complete with his cool half-smile, as the Coronado goons proceed to beat him up.
: 18. "Small world, Dr. Jones." "Too small for the two of us!"
: 19. Indy refuses to be thrown overboard, and instead kicks some guy off in the nether region, which in turn knocks him off the ship.
: 20. Indy knocks out two goons with one punch.
: 21. Indy in the classroom - "If it's truth you're interested in, Dr. Tyree's philosophy class is right down the hall."
: 22. Indy explains to his students, "X never, ever marks the spot." He goes on to say that "70% of all archaeology is done in the library." This information becomes relevant later (see #43).
: 23. As the students depart, Indy smiles knowingly to one of his female students offscreen. (Is it Indy's Girl?) :)
: 24. Indy to Marcus - "We can discuss my honorary over dinner and champagne tonight...your treat." Marcus, not paying attention - "Yes, yes, my treat."
: 25. Indy, realizing all the commotion of students outside his office, tells everyone to "Shush. Shush! SHUSH!" He then turns them over to his secretary, Irene, and high-tails it out of there.
: 26. Indy, not wanting to deal with the crowd again, escapes through his window like a criminal, only to meet some of Donovon's goons. Indy just looks around calmly as they surround him, trying to intimidate him.
: 27. Donovon enters and asks Indy about his trip. Indy just stares at him, coldly. As Donovon introduces himself, Indy takes off his fedora, displaying a severe case of "hat-hair."
: 28. Indy reads the inscription on the tablet - "...where the cup that holds the blood of Jesus Christ resides forever." Indy's face shows a look of great dismay.
: 29. Indy swallows hard as Donovon mentions his father while they're talking about Grail lore. "He's a teacher of medieval literature, the one the students hope they don't get."
: 30. Donovon's wife enters the scene, then looks at Indy and nods to him. But as we can plainly see, Indy's back is turned to her.
: 31. Donovon - "We're only one step away." Indy - "That's usually when the ground falls out from underneath your feet." "You could be more right than you know." Indy's eyebrows furrow immediately.
: 32. Indy refers Donovon to his father, and we see a close up of Indy grabbing his hat off the table. "Your father is the one who disappeared." Indy nearly drops his hat at this.
: 33. On the way over to Henry Jones' residence, Marcus explains to Indy how they've been friends for many years, but when Marcus sees the ransacked house he takes it back and says "What has the old fool got himself into now?"
: 34. Indy realizes that the package he received from Venice, Italy holds the key. He desperately tries hard to rip open the packaging and get the darn thing out.
: 35. Donovon drops off the two at the airport and explains to Marcus what to do. Marcus looks on, clearly confused.
: 36. At their arrival in Italy - "Ah, Venice..."
: 37. Indy and Marcus wonder about Dr. Schneider. "I don't know, maybe HE'll know us." Indy is surprised to learn that she is a woman.
: 38. "You have your father's eyes." "And my mother's ears, but the rest belongs to you." Elsa slams Indy - "Looks like the best parts have already been spoken for."
: 39. Elsa explains that Henry "[W]as as giddy as a schoolboy." Indy corrects her, "Who, Attila the professor? He was never giddy. Even when he was a schoolboy."
: 40. Indy steals a white rose from the flower stand. Offcamera, you can hear a voice yell "Hey!"
: 41. As Indy and Elsa continue to flirt with each other, Marcus interrupts them, annoyed.
: 42. When Elsa leaves to make arrangements in the library, Marcus looks after her, apparently checking out her backside. (wink, wink)
: 43. Everyone looks around for the 10, but all the time, it was right under their feet. Indy shrugs his shoulders. "X marks the spot!"
: 43b. How about the fact that Indy had to go all the way to the top of the stairs to see the X? That always gives me a good laugh...Couldn't he just point at it from where he was standing? Another funny thing is how fake the book case behind him looks when he says "X marks the spot" (Thanks to Jay)
: 44. Indy bashes in the floor with the post. The librarian looks at his stamper, confused, as if it is making all that racket.
: 45. Marcus stares down into the hole in the floor, seemingly unaware of the Brotherhood of the Cruciform Sword that sneak in behind him.
: 46. Indy and Elsa explore the catacombs. "What's this one?" (indicating a picture on the wall) The Ark theme ensues. "The ark of the covenant." "Are you sure?" "Pretty sure."
: 47. Indy pushes in the wall, and ends up falling in half-through.
: 48. Indy - "Oh, rats..." Elsa - "Ugh!" (The rodents look like they're piled up on one another.)
: 49. A rat trips Indy, and he nearly falls, as he's trekking through the petroleum.
: 50. Indy picks up Elsa, and carries her caveman-style. Elsa is surprised - "Augh!"
: 51. Indy walks on the sides against the wall, and accidentally steps on a rat. Elsa, also tiptoeing along the wall, is unaware of many rats behind her head.
: 52. Sparks flicker off the torch into the petroleum, yet it doesn't have the long term effects that the match from the Cruciform brother.
: 53. Indy half-heartedly pushes open the lid of the coffin with one hand, while Elsa does most of the work.
: 54. Indy finds the marker on the shield of the second knight. "Just like your father, giddy as a schoolboy!" Indy does a schoolboy-esque laugh to this.
: 55. Indy explains his father's situation to Elsa. "He never would've made it through the rats. He hates rats!"
: 56. When faced with the burning petroleum, Indy just throws out the knight's dead body, regardless of its pricelessness.
: 57. Elsa takes an awkward deep breath as she submerges herself under the coffin.
: 58. Indy and Elsa come out of the sewers, to the onlookers' dismay. "Ah, Venice..."
: 59. Trying to escape the Brotherhood, Indy and Elsa jump into a boat. Elsa falls in crooked. As they take off, a Cruciform brother jumps onboard and hangs on for dear life. Indy jumps to the back to take care of him and there is this SCREECH sound as he slides by.
: 60. Elsa dodges the bullets coming from the back. She turns around, with a really pissed off look on her face.
: 61. Indy beats the hell out of the Cruciform brother in the back. This is funny in itself!
: 62. Indy sees the onlooking two ships. "Are you crazy? Don't go between them!" "Go between them! Are you crazy?" They barely make it, but the Brotherhood's boat gets scrunched in-between and ends up coming out as a wedge.
: 63. We see another boat with members of the Brotherhood. A Cruciform brother stares out the side of the boat, looking at the ocean, as if nothing is happening. He is frightened by his buddy, who grabs him by the shoulder and tells him to get in the back.
: 64. Indy fights these two guys at once, and kicks one of them in the face. You can hear a splitsecond "Ow!" before he falls into the water.
: 65. One of the Cruciform brothers jumps onto Indy's ship and lands flat on his face.
: 66. "Ask yourself, why do you seek the Cup of Christ? Is it for his glory, or for yours?" Indy assures him that he's only looking for his father. The Cruciform brother reconsiders. "In that case, God be with you on your quest," and suddenly he has detailed information on Henry.
: 67. Indy talks with Marcus about the whereabouts of the grail. "But where?" "Your father would know." "Hmmm..."
: 68. Indy motions for Elsa to step out of the bathroom, and she tries to act surprised at the ransacked room. (I can see right through her Nazi exterior!)
: 69. Elsa realizes that Indy had the Grail Diary all along. "You didn't trust me?" "At least I let you tag along."
: 70. Indy makes his dramatic speech about the way he wants things done, followed by hastily forcing himself on Elsa. "How dare you kiss me?" Elsa comes back with a wallup of her own, sucking the breath out of Indy. "Leave me alone; I don't like fast women!" "And I hate arrogant men!"
: 71. They proceed with their rousing game of tough loving, as Indy goes down, a dizzy look in his eyes. Indy looks on to the side. "Ah, Venice..." Elsa snaps his head back to her in a quick motion, and they continue...
: 72. Indy and Elsa in the car, outside the Brunwald Castle. "What are you going to do?" "Don't know, [I'll] think of something." (a slightly modified version of 'I'm making this up as I go')
: 73. Indy enters the scene with a beret and a heavy Scottish accent. Need I say more? :)
: 74. Indy (as the Scottish lord), comes in soaking wet and sneezes. "Now look, I've gone and caught a sniffle!" Indy pulls Elsa close to him and she slips by.
: 75. "If you are a Scottish lord, then I am Mickey Mouse!" "How dare he?" POW!
: 76. "Nazis. I HATE these guys."
: 77. Indy passes by a heavily locked door. "I think he's in here." Elsa inquires, "How do you know?" Without looking, Indy indicates with his hand. "Because it's wired."
: 78. Indy opens the window, and unfurls his whip. "Don't worry, this is kid's play! I'll be right back." Indy swings through the window to Professor Henry Jones' room and is greeted with a vase to the head.
: 79. Henry Jones, incrediously. "Junior?" Indy stands at attention to his father. "Yes, sir!" "It IS you, Junior!" "Don't call me that...please."
: 80. Henry studies the broken vase. "It breaks the heart." "And the head. You hit me, dad." Henry, referring to the vase, "I'll never forgive myself." Indy's face lightens up and his expression melts. "Aw, don't worry. It's fine." "Thank God," Henry pulls Indy close to him, "It's a fake." Indy's expression here is timeless. It's like he's been slapped in the face.
: 81. "I really thought you were one of them." "Dad, they come in through the doors." "Ha! Good point."
: 82. Henry is as giddy as a schoolboy, as Indy tells him of the discovery. "There were rats there. Big ones." Henry's expression abruptly changes at this.
: 83. Henry tells Indy of the Grail Diary. "I knew I had to get that book as far away from me as I possibly could." Indy, averts his eyes and hesitantly answers, "Yeah..."
: 84. A Nazi stooge enters the room. Indy puts his hands up and Henry copies. "Dr. Jones?" (at the same time) "Yes?" "I will take the book now." Father and son exchange glances. (again, simultaneously) "What book?" The Nazi refers to the Diary in Indy's front jacket pocket. Henry - "You dolt! You think my son would be that STUPID?" Indy blinks and looks sympathetically towards his father. "Well, uh..." Henry can't believe it. "You did?" Indy looks to the Nazis, embarrassed. "Look, can we discuss this later? "I should have mailed it to the Marx Brothers!" "Will you take it easy?!"
: 85. "I came here to save you!" "Oh yeah? And who's gonna save you - Junior?" "I told you..." Indy takes a machine gun away from the nearest Nazi and starts blowing everyone away. A beat passes. "...Don't call me Junior!" Henry is shocked. "Look what you did! I can't believe what you j--" Indy pulls him away in mid-sentence.
: 86. Indy is faced with a moment of truth. Should he believe his father and take his word that Elsa is a Nazi, or try to save her? "She's a Nazi. Trust me." Indy, disbelieving, slides the gun on the table, breaking a few glasses. The Nazi pushes Elsa into Indy, and her hair is all screwed up. "Indy, I'm sorry." Indy softens up. "But you should've listened to your father." Indy, still in a state of disbelief, can't believe he was deceived.
: 87. "How did you know she was a Nazi?" "She talks in her sleep." Indy just nods, and then realizes what was said. Henry just chuckles.
: 88. Indy, faced with the charge of ripping the map out from the Grail Diary, smiles knowingly. Indy explains how Marcus has "already succeeded." We cut to Marcus, lost in the middle of Iskenderun. "Um...does anyone speak english?" A man puts a glass of water underneath Marcus' nose. "No thanks, fish make love in it."
: 89. After Marcus meets Sallah, there's a shtick where a man in black tips his head toward Marcus, and Marcus leans his head back at the same time. It's a classic!
: 90. Sallah, trying to distract the imposters, tries to get Marcus' attention. "Papers...yes...(under his breath)...run!" "Yes?" After a couple of attempts, Sallah decides to take matters in his own hand and gives the guy a knuckle sandwich. Then Sallah accidentally loads Marcus into a departing truck, and looks after it, stunned and frozen in place.
: 91. Indy and Henry are tied up. Elsa leans in close to Indy's ear. "I can't forget how wonderful it was." Henry - "Thank you, it was rather wonderful." Indy looks back at him, appalled and disgusted. Then Indy looks on with no emotion as Elsa proceeds to give him the kissing of a lifetime, complete with sucking his lower lip. "That's how Austrians say goodbye." The Nazi stooge steps up. "And this is how we say goodbye in Germany, Dr. Jones." SMACK! Indy's head knocks into Henry's head. "I liked the Austrian way better."
: 92. Indy explains to Henry that Marcus isn't really ahead of everyone. He reminds him, "You know, Marcus. He got lost once in his own museum. Henry - "Oh."
: 93. Henry drops the cigarette lighter and blows on it, hoping to douse the flame, but instead the carpet and curtains flare up in a blaze of glory. Henry continues to blow. "Indy?" "Now's not the time to get sentimental, dad." "The floor's on fire. See? The floor too!" Indy and Henry desperate scurry about the floor, escaping the flames by rocking back and forth, to and fro.
: 94. Indy and Henry try to meet face to face. "Dad?" "What?" "Dad?!" "What?!" "DAD!" They finally meet eye to eye. "Head for the fireplace." They waddle away as fast as possible.
: 95. Indy accidentally sets off the trap door in the fireplace. The spinning door turns 360 degrees and barely misses detection. "Our situation has not improved." One more time, Indy sets off the lever and this time, they're stuck on the other side of the wall. They meet with a Nazi lady, and smile to each other before she lets out a big yell that sounds like that lady from Austin Powers.
: 96. Finally, after Henry gets caught on the other side, alone with all the Nazis, Indy takes care of the rest. He jams the spinning trapdoor with a bust. Indy "falls" into a secret passageway, as Henry accidentally sets off a rocking chair lever. Indy tumbles down the stairs. They arrive outside. Henry - "Would you say this is another typical day for you?" Indy proceeds to start a motorboat, and Henry thinks they're going to escape by sea. He throws his bag at Indy who immediately throws it back at him. Indy then runs off, as the motorboat speeds away, vacant. Henry is still confused. "What about the boat? We're not going in the boat?"
: 97. As the Nazis prepare to follow the boat, Indy and Henry pop out of a crate, with Indy driving, and Henry in the little sidecar. He is clearly not to happy about this setup. As Indy takes off, he knocks two Nazi stooges off the road into the water. Indy snickers to himself. As he looks over to Henry for support, he gives a double-take, as Henry looks on disapprovingly. Indy's famous lop-sided grin is wiped off his face completely, and he tries to look serious.
: 98. Indy somehow picks up a flagpole from the ground and uses it as a lance towards the oncoming hulking Nazi on a motorbike to knock him off. In turn, the bike knocks two Nazis coming in the opposite direction off their feet...literally. A remaining Nazi pops a wheelie and lands its front wheels near Indy's head. Indy uses the remaining piece of the pole to send the last Nazi flying...also literally. Again, Indy starts laughing, only to see the concerned look of his dad frowning down upon him. He looks down at his watch, unamused.
: 99. Indy and Henry stop at the fork in the road. Henry wants to go get the book instead of rescuing Marcus. Henry - "The only thing that matters is the grail." "What about Marcus?" "Marcus would agree with me." The conversation goes on and gets into a serious argument. Henry feels the need to slap some sense into Indiana. SLAP! "That's for blasphemy."
: 100. Indy in Berlin. The first thing we see him do is drag the knocked out body of a Nazi soldier and instantly coming out with a uniform. Indy, dead-serious, comes up behind Elsa. He threatens her. "All I have to do is squeeze." She retorts, "All I have to do is scream." After Indy gets the Diary, he is forced into a mob, and finds himself face to face with his greatest enemy. Indy looks on, horrified, as Adolf Hitler takes the Grail Diary from his hands and...signs it. The next shot we see is Indy telling Henry to get out of here, and we cut to them zooming off to the airport in the motorbike.
: 101. In the zeppelin, Indy spots a suspicious man, and so proceeds to steal a ticket taker's clothes. Before the Nazi can reveal Henry's identity, Indy comes up behind him and socks him and throws him out the window. When faced with a group of horrified onlookers, Indy indicates that he had "[n]o ticket." Immediately, everyone puts their tickets in the air.
: 102. Indy and Henry talk about Elsa. Henry - "I'm as human as the next man." Indy - "I WAS the next man."
: 103. Indy confronts Henry about his childhood and the fact that they never talked. Henry gives Indy his full attention. "Okay, I'm here. What do you want to talk about?" Indy, red-faced, is at a loss for words. Henry's eyes widen. Indy laughs. "I can't think of anything." "Then what are you complaining about?"
: 104. After noticing that the zeppelin was turning around, Indy and Henry escape in a sideplane. "I didn't know that you could fly." "Fly, yes. Land, no!" Indy tells Henry that he must use the machine gun. Indy indicates, "11 o'clock!" Henry is puzzled. "What happens at eleven o'clock?" After Henry gets the hang of it, he blows out the tail of their own plane. Sheepishly, Henry tells Indy, "I'm sorry, son. They got us." Indy tries to land the plane as best as he can without killing them. He ends up crashing into a farm. Henry, sarcastically - "Nice landing." "Thanks."
: 105. Indy and Henry are still being shot at. They jump into a nearby trench. At the oncoming barrage of bullets that come, Henry hides himself behind Indy, using Indy as a shield. "They're trying to kill us," Henry notes. "I know, dad!" Indy yells at the top of his lungs. "It's a new experience for me." "It happens to me all the time."
: 106. While a man tries to fix his car, Indy and Henry hop in and speed off. The man looks on, dumbfounded. The plane follows the car into a tunnel and loses its wings. The pilot, like an idiot, looks around as he passes the car, before blowing up in a fiery explosion. Henry - "Well, they don't come any closer than that." As if on cue, a missle drops a few feet from the front of the car, landing them in a ditch. Henry stands up from the mess, and brushes off his clothes, unfazed.
: 107. Henry walks onto the beach clucking and doing a dance, while Indy looks at him as if he's gone cuckoo.
: 108. Meanwhile, Donovon is getting permission for taking the grail from the king. Donovon offers him all the riches they have, but finally, His Excellency settles for a brand new Rolls-Royce. "And I even like the color!" Later on, Donovon, Elsa, and Marcus are driving on, as Elsa's head bobs on her pencil neck. Donovon - "Care to wet your whistle, Marcus?" "I'd rather spit in your face, but since I haven't any spit left..."
: 109. Indy looks on at the car from a safe distance. Henry - "What do you think you're doing?" "Dad, we're well out of range." Suddenly a bullet whizzes past his head.
: 110. Sallah's car gets bombed. "That belonged to my brother-in-law!"
: 111. The Brotherhood of the Cruciform Sword risk their neck to stop the Nazis. Henry - "Now who are all these people?" Indy - "Who cares, as long as they're keeping Donovon busy?"
: 112. Indy mentions to Sallah, "I'm going after those horses." (reminiscent of Raiders) He points his finger at Sallah, "No camels!"
: 113. Henry sneaks into the tank and taps Marcus on the shoulder. "Ahh!" They proceed to give each other some kind of obscure greeting. "Henry, what are you doing here?" "It's a rescue!" But just as fast as it started, they're already caught. A Nazi starts torturing Henry by slapping him with a glove. Before he can hit him again, Henry grabs his hand, and you can see a gun come out of nowhere and point in his face.
: 114. Indy, having stole 4 horses somewhere, meets with Sallah. "I said no camels! That's five camels! Can't you count?"
: 115. Indy rides his horse between the tank (which can't see peripherally) and an oncoming jeep. They collide, and the jeep ends up upside down on the tank. You can clearly see a man inside, trying to claw his way out. The jeep is then shot off by a cannon, and crushed.
: 116. Indy takes a rock and stuffs it into a gun barrel, jamming it. When it goes off, it backfires and the nozzle explodes.
: 117. Indy uses his gun to take aim at the Nazis, but runs out of bullets. He tries to stuff his Webley back in its holster, but seems to have a bit of a problem doing so.
: 118. Indy jumps off the horse and slams onto the tank, and takes out a Nazi. He then acquire a new gun and, when faced with three Nazis, he shoots through all of them, and looks carefully at the sheer power of this new weapon.
: 119. As Indy is getting choked by the chain, he still manages to call to his dad, where the gun had dropped. Henry looks at it as if it's a foreign object, and is not sure whether to touch it.
: 120. While fighting, Indy gets thrown against a periscope with his face all smushed up against it. The periscope Nazi starts bragging to his commanding officer in a pansy voice as Indy hits the scope and sends the Nazi below flailing.
: 121. Henry sprays a Nazi in the eye with ink while fighting for the gun. Marcus comments, "The pen...the pen is mightier than the sword!"
: 122. Indy falls off the tank and somehow ends up caught on the tank gun, hanging by his knapsack strap. Colonel Vogel indicates for the driver to force Indy into the side of the wall. Inside the tank, though, a shot rings out and ricochets throughout the interior. Finally, it ends up between the eyes of the driver, which saves Indy at the last minute. "You call this archaeology?"
: 123 (ABC). Marcus - "How does one get off this thing?" Indy pulls back a punch towards Vogel and accidentally elbows Marcus off the tank on his butt. Henry looks around, "Where's Marcus?" He then gets hit my an incoming shovel and takes a ride on the revolving belt of the tank. He's saved only by Indy's quick whip reflexes.
: 124. The tank goes off the cliff. We see a toy tank complete with a Vogel action figure hit the ground and fall apart. Henry, Marcus, and Sallah look off the edge of the cliff. "Junior!" The BOOM! of the tank exploding comes the reply. "Oh, God. I've lost him." Meanwhile, we see a torn-up, battle-damaged Indy feeling tired and looking like crap pulling his lifeless body up the cliff. He comes up behind the trio and looks on with the rest, unaware of what's going on, as he tries to catch his breath, and stop nodding his head.
: 125. Marcus attempts to figure out how Indy made it off the tank in time. You can see him calculating it in his head.
: 126. Henry embraces his son, and just as abruptly, lets go. Indy falls to his knees, no strength left in his body. "Why are you sitting there resting when we're so near the end?" Indy, half-dead, just shuts his eyes, and 'mysterically' his fedora comes out of nowhere.
: 127. Indy and the gang finally reach the Canyon of the Crescent Moon and watch in horror as a cheesy decapitation scene followed with a rollicking, bouncing head appears before them. Marcus covers his mouth in disgust.
: 128. Indy and Elsa meet once again. "I never expected to see you again." I'm like a bad penny, I always turn up."
: 129. At the Breath of God, Indy kneels, but immediately has to do a somersault over the next razorblade. If not for his quick reflexes, he would've been duck soup. As he emerges through the age old booby-trap, he's covered with thick spiderwebs.
: 130. At the Word of God, Indy nearly falls through the 'J.' "Idiot! In Latin, Jehovah starts with an 'I'!" He speaks aloud with each letter he steps on. I-E-H-O--oh! Indy nearly falls backward on the 'O.'
: 131. At the Path of God, Indy works up the courage to take a leap of faith and finally lifts his leg stiffly before stumbling down on what seems to be "solid" ground.
: 132. The last knight (Sir Alec Guinness?) tries to swing his sword at Indy, but after 700 years, he seems to have gotten a little rusty. He falls backward with the weight of the weapon.
: 133. "You're strangely dressed...for a knight." The knight examines Indy's bullwhip.
: 134. Donovan and Elsa enter the scene. They try to pick the correct Grail. Donovon - "I'm not a historian, which one is it?" Elsa - "Let me choose." "Thank you, doctor." Indy and the knight exchange glances as Elsa picks the wrong one on purpose.
: 135. Donovon drinks from the wrong grail. He goes through a rapid age metamorphesis and finally ends up as old bones. (He first undergoes a brief transformation into Christopher Lloyd) "He choose...poorly."
: 136. Sallah has the upper hand this time, as he command the Nazis to: "Drop your guns...please."
: 137. Elsa, like an idiot, passes the Great Seal. She does a pathetic little lunge for the grail as it falls into a crevice. Indy flies down behind, trying to catch her. Elsa, full of greed, chooses to fall into the abyss while trying to retrieve the grail instead of taking Indy's hand and saving herself.
: 138. Indy, in the same situation as Elsa, also tries to grab for the grail, until he hears the voice of reason: His father, actually calling him Indiana for the first time.
: 139. Indy and Henry leave the poor knight there to suffer another millenium with billions of dollars of damages and the Holy Grail halfway beneath the earth's crust. He waves to them, looking rather disappointed.
: 140. When they're finally safe and free from the canyon, Indy asks Henry what he found. "Illumination," he answers. "What did you find, Junior?" "Junior? Dad..." Sallah - "Please, what does it always mean? This..Junior..." "That's his name; Henry Jones Jr." "I like Indiana." Henry leans in close to Indy, "We named the DOG Indiana." Sallah - "The dog? Ha-ha! You are named after the dog?" Indy tries to keep a straight face and stop from smiling, "I have a lot of fond memories of that dog." Sallah continues to laugh in the background. Marcus interrupts, "Indy! Henry! Follow me! I know the way! Ha!" The horse races off with Marcus falling half-off, desperately trying to hang on for dear life. Just like the movie started with Herman falling off his horse. Henry - "Got lost in his own museum, huh?" "Yeah." "After you, Junior!" "Yessir!" And Indy saves the day once more. They go on, riding into the sunset, like heroes often do.

THE END

: To be continued? One can only hope.

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: : <b>Here it is, finally, the full version of my "Finding Humor in the Seemingly Non-Humorous" series, which looks into funny, but not funny, moments in the Indy movies.  It was a fun little project I worked on since last year, and it ended up as a work-in-progress.  I used suggestions from Indyfans to make this better, and bring you this full, complete list.  I hope you enjoy it.</b>

: : <h1><u>INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM<u></h1>

: : <b>I was reading some of the older posts and I noticed this subject on things that are funny, but not funny, so I thought I'd share my thoughts on my favorite funny Indy things. All these are from Temple of Doom, since I just saw it again today -- perhaps I'll send it my list for the other two movies once I see them again. Here they are in chronological order...the COMPLETE list of funny/non-funny things in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom:</b>

: : 1)Indy attempts to take a sip of the poison-spiked champagne and is knocked awkwardly by Willie, preventing Indy from drinking. 
: : 2)One of Lao Che's henchmen laughs a little too hard, and then throws a flaming stake through another guy's heart. 
: : 3)Willie handles the diamond carefully only to have it knocked 50ft out of her hands by a poisoned, desperate Indy. 
: : 4)The whole scene with Indy chasing, flying, and sliding through the floors trying to get the antidote. 
: : 5)The whole plane escape scene with the raft ducking trees in the snow and landing miles into a river of raging rapids. 
: : 6)The faces of the villagers as Willie attempts to mount the elephant. 
: : 7)Willie starts complaining that she's a singer and her voice gets all choked up and cracks. 
: : 8)The whole part with Willie being chased by jungle animals and Shorty and Indy catching each other cheating. 
: : 9)When Indy sees the snake and throws himself up against the rock. 
: : 10)Upon viewing the Snake Surprise, Shorty drops a bean out of his mouth. 
: : 11)The part when Indy and Willie are all lusty and Indy acts conceited, saying, "I'll let you know in the morning." Then Indy saying that he's not that easy, either. 
: : 12)While waiting for the 5 minutes, Indy checks his breath and sort of pauses as if it's really bad. 
: : 13)The Thuggee guard getting caught up in the fan by the whip. 
: : 14)Shorty all innocently starting the booby-traps. 
: : 15)Willie and the bugs, while Indy and Shorty are getting all squished. Then, when finally getting the door opened, she runs in screaming and drops the lantern and starts the whole spike device all over again. 
: : 16)When Indy takes the stones, and bows his head to the evil-looking snake on the statue of Kali. 
: : 17)When Indy throws a rock at the guard's head, with a direct hit, then feeling all satisfied with himself, turns around and is met my 10 Thuggees. 
: : 18)When Indy is approached by the menacing Thuggee with the blood of the Black Sleep, and he is not intimidated, instead Indy just says, "Hi." 
: : 19)The stuntdouble Shorty that scrawls up the rope like a spider, after pushing down the ladder. 
: : 20)When Indy is burned and snaps out of the Black Sleep, he grabs Shorty and winks at him, and the look on Shorty's face is hilarious. 
: : 21)When we know that Indy is back to normal, and we hear a couple of solid punches off-screen, and then a Thuggee is thrown across the floor. 
: : 22)When the Thuggee throws the hammer behind him and hits another guard on the head(who flinches even before the hammer hits him). 
: : 23)With his last strength, Indy dropkicks the Thuggee. 
: : 24)The fake Indy is thrown into the minecart like a sack of potatoes. 
: : 24b)When the big Thuggee grabs Short Round by the collar and tosses him aside, Shorty looks like Mary Poppins. <i>(Thanks to Stuntman)</i>
: : 25)When Indy runs away and in mid-run arcs in pain when the voodoo doll is stabbed in the back. 
: : 26)Indy hits the Thuggee with a saw. 
: : 27)Indy hitting the guard on both sides with jugs and the guard dropping a rock on his own head. 
: : 28)Not sure whether he should call him Indy or Dr. Jones, Shorty decides to call him Dr. Indy. 
: : 29)The gay smile that Shorty and the Prince give each other, when Shorty says "Thank you". 
: : 30)Shorty blowing everybody away with a big stick. 
: : 31)In the mine cart chase, Indy easily rips the gun out of the Thuggee's grasp. 
: : 32)Indy slugging a guard on the minecart, missing, then he and Willie laugh, and he gets attacked again. 
: : 33)Indy's feet on fire, and he yells "Water, Water!" Then he sees the oncoming rush of water and he points and stumbles off. 
: : 34)The ILM effect of Indy, Shorty, and Willie looking all decrepit when the water gushes out of the hole. 
: : 35)Shorty assures Willie that the rope bridge is made of "strong wood". Then he falls through like an idiot. 
: : 36)Indy seeing the two swordsmen and reaching for his gun to shoot them down as in Raiders, but there is nothing there. 
: : 37)Indy yelling to scare off the guard, but then gets chased by 100 more guards. 
: : 38)Indy seeing no way out of his situation -- "Oh, shit" 
: : 39)Indy calling to Mola Ram, but it sounds like he's calling him a moron. 
: : 40)"Prepare to meet Kali - IN HELL!"

: : 
: : <h1><u>RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK</u></h1>

: : <i>Dedicated to Shishak</i>

: : <b>Hey, dudes and dudettes! Yes, it's the return of my little mini-series: Finding humor in the seemingly non-humorous, where I explore the funny/non-funny things you can find in the Indy trilogy. You see, when you start watching the movies as many times as I have, you start looking into it too much and start laughing at things that you've seen so many times. Anyway, this is the COMPLETE list for RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK (Version 2.01):</b>

: : 1. Sapito running away like an idiot when he gets scared by the bats; Indy just trudges on over, unamused.
: : 2. Our first glimpse of Indy: looking WAY too pissed off as the guy scurries off.
: : 3. Sapito with fifty tarantulas on his back.
: : 4. Sapito face when he screams looking at the spikes coming out of the wall.
: : 5. Sapito half-falling off the whip, whilst swinging. When he finally regains his balance, he latches onto Indy and he pushes him aside.
: : 6. Indy throwing Sapito against the wall. "That's what scares me." Then he reaches for the torch in Sapito's backpack and he flinches cowardly.
: : 7. "Stay here." "If you insist, senior."
: : 8. Indy almost losing his balance and Sapito starts to worry
: : 9. Indy looking at his reflection through the idol.
: : 10. Indy's escape. Jumping down the stairs and outrunning the darts.
: : 11. Sapito swinging over the chasm and falling on his ass.
: : 12. Sapito running with the idol and getting spiked like a MORON. "Adios stupido."
: : 13. Indy running out of the way of the boulder and diving, only to be faced by 100 Hovitos.
: : 14. Indy making a break for it while the Hovitos are being distracted.
: : 15. "Start the engines, Jock! Get it up!"
: : 16. Indy noticing Reggie. "There's a big snake in the plane, Jock! I hate snakes, Jock! I hate 'em!" "Come on. Show a little backbone, willya?"
: : 17. Indy stuttering at noticing the "I" Love You girl.
: : 18. Class dismissed. Last to exit is a pissed off student who practically throws an apple at Indy.
: : 19. Indy talking to Marcus. "Want to hear about it?" "Not at all." Also, Marcus is playing with the stuff on Indy's desk as he talks to him.
: : 20. At meeting the Army Intelligence: "What do I want to see them for? What am I, in trouble?"
: : 21. "Any of you guys ever go to Sunday school?"
: : 22. Indy pacing excitedly at the news of Tanis and Abner Ravenwood. He's giddy as a schoolboy as he attempts to explain what the Staff of Ra is and as he fumbles with the lock on his Bible to show them the Ark.
: : 23. "Power of God, or something."
: : 24. Indy is WAY too happy when he learns of the news from Marcus back at his place.
: : 25. "What are you trying to do, scare me? You sound like my mother."
: : 26. The drunk smiling foolishly as he passes out at the Raven Bar.
: : 27. Marion punching Indy when he turns away. Indy's surprised expression.
: : 28. "I can only say I'm sorry so many times." Marion breaking glasses. "Well say it again!" "Sorry."
: : 29. "See you tomorrow, Indiana Jones!" Indy has a confused look on his face, as if expecting something.
: : 30. Marion's meeting with the stuttering Toht. "Listen, Herr Mac..."
: : 31. Marion with the glowering coal in her face. Indy immediately whips it away and the curtains burst into flames.
: : 32. Indy's about to get his face burned off. "...whiskey?"
: : 33. Marion bludgeoning the Nepalese with the stick.
: : 34. "Shoot them, shoot them both!" At this both Indy and the Nepalese look at each other and start shooting the other guy. Afterward, Indy resumes beating him up.
: : 35. Toht burning his hand on the Headpiece of the Staff of Ra and bursting through the door, then jumps into the snow.
: : 36. The monkey jumping onto Marion, catching her off guard. "What a wonderful little creature."
: : 37. "They call him 'Bellosh.'" Indy starts laughing hysterically. "Belloq. Belloq!"
: : 38. "They have not one brain among them...except one."
: : 39. "How dare you talk that way about our baby. He's got your looks." "Yeah, and your brains."
: : 40. "It's a date - (voice cracking) ya eat 'em!"
: : 41. Monkey doing the Heil Hitler sign. The Nazi doing it back, then looks around to see if anyone saw him.
: : 42. The whole Cairo market fight. "Duck!" Indy repeatedly throws Marion around while fighting the swordsmen. The swordsmen ultimately defeat themselves with badly misplaced lunges.
: : 42b. Is it just me, or do a lot of the Cairo swordsmen already have gunshot/stabwounds before they actually get them (like Indy and the spiders during the Peru scene--you can see them on his back from one frontal shot, then when the scene cuts to a view from behind him, they are gone, then you get to the part where Sapito points them out, and they are there again...of course). <i>(Thanks to Freudenthal)</i>
: : 43. Marion with the frying pan against the man with knife (and bad teeth). "Right." She runs away into the alley and knocks him out.
: : 44. Indy hoarsely calling out: "Marion!" Then meeting up with the big, bad swordsman, which he unceremoniously shoots. :)
: : 45. Indy's face as he sees all the people with baskets. He then proceeds to throw them all down, which would probably hurt Marion real bad if she had been in any of them.
: : 46. At Marion's "death," Indy gets all liquored up.
: : 47. "You looking for me?" The man starts laughing psychotically and Indy smiles.
: : 48. Indy's not too happy at his second meeting with Belloq. "Let us sit down like civilized people." The reaction Indy provides at this point is a mocking advance. By far the funniest thing I've ever seen! :)
: : 49. "I see your taste in friends remains consistent." 
: : 50. Indy's side-view pissed off face. "Try the local sewer."
: : 51. Indy's face progressively getting more and more angry. "Now you're gettin' nasty!" "You know it's true. How nice."
: : 52. "You want to talk to God? Let's see him together. I've got nothing better to do." At this point, the children rush in and Indy starts grinning. "Better than the United States Marines, eh?"
: : 53. Excitedly, Indy and Sallah say together: "They're digging in the wrong place!" "I am the Monarch of the Sea, I am the Ruler of the Coop..."
: : 54. Throughout the scene where the Headpiece is getting translated, Indy keeps getting interrupted as he attempts to pop the date into his mouth, until finally he does and Sallah catches it. "Bad dates."
: : 55. Sallah and Indy casually throwing the staff and rope down into the Map Room and lowering himself in.
: : 56. Sallah being down the sand by the Nazis. He then proceeds to fashion a makeshift rope out of sheets and a Nazi flag.
: : 57. Indy sweating like hell as he writes down the location and coordinates of the Well of the Souls.
: : 58. Indy doing a little pirouette in order to avoid the oncoming Nazis as he ducks into the nearest tent.
: : 59. Marion doing a weird sound of joy as Indy starts kissing her.
: : 60. Marion seemingly yelling obscenities at Indy when he puts the gag back on her.
: : 61. Indy's face looking maniacal as they unearth the antechamber to the Well of the Souls.
: : 62. Sallah sees the snake-faced statue. "Gaaaa! ... Sorry, Indy."
: : 63. Indy's face full of pure exhaustion. "Snakes? Why'd it have to be snakes?" "Asps. Very dangerous. You go first."
: : 64. Belloq presents the dress to Marion. (mouth full of bread) "Beautiful." "I'd very much like to see you in it." "Ha! I bet you would!"
: : 65. Indy falls off rope, in front of cobra. His face full of horror. (duh, why is there a piece of glass separating Indy and the snake?) :)
: : 65b. I like the part when Indy's sliding down the rope into the snake pit and you can tell he REALLY does not want to go down there. 8D <i>(Thanks to Indy's Girl)</i>
: : 66. "I told you it would be all right! Ha-ha!"
: : 67. Indy spraying the snakes like there's no tomorrow and burning them.
: : 68. Belloq and Marion getting a little too drunk and laughing hysterically. Belloq pours the liquor down his throat (a la Marion) and starts choking. 
: : 69. Marion pours the drink into her glass, missing completely. Then Marion pulls a knife on him, and they burst out laughing. "Well, I have to be going now." Belloq waves her on drunkedly.
: : 70. Toht threatening Marion with his...coat-hanger! Both Marion and Belloq breathe a sign of relief.
: : 71. Indy fending off the snakes with the torch. "Ha!"
: : 72. Indy gets caught in antechamber by Belloq. "Why don't you come up here? I'll show ya!" "Ha ha ha ha...son of a bitch..."
: : 73. When Marion falls, she escapes deadly cobra and climbs onto Indy awkwardly.
: : 74. Toht laughing psychotically when both Indy and Marion are trapped in Well of the Souls.
: : 75. Indy seeing Marion in dress and getting angry. "How hard were you trying?"
: : 76. When Indy climbs the statue with torch clenched in his teeth, he happily burns a snake and it falls on Marion.
: : 76b. When Indy pushes the stone out of the little building to get out of the Well of Souls, the way he falls halfway out himself. <i>(Thanks to Freudenthal)</i>
: : 76c. After crawling out of the same hole above, Indy looks around to make sure coast is clear before helping Marion out. Scene cuts to view from distance, and we see a sleeping worker laying against the wall about 2 feet to the left of where they are getting out. <i>(Thanks to Freudenthal)</i>
: : 77. The entire German Mechanic fight. Indy is not very enthusiastic when he begins fighting him. He kicks him in the crotch, bites him, and throws sand in his face. When German Mechanic finally meets his demise, Indy grins and ducks his head into the sand.
: : 77b. As a mechanical engineer, I always just roll my eyes when the flying wing's wingtip neatly "knocks off" a whole fuel cap structure on the fuel truck, with no denting or tearing of welds on the structure. And for fuel to be pouring out like that afterwards, it would half to be filled past the level of the fuel cap. Sorry, it's just the engineer in me. <i>(Thanks to Freudenthal)</i>
: : 78. "Psst." Sallah enters the tent. "Oh, my friends! I'm so pleased you're not dead!"
: : 79. Indy at deciding to go after the truck: "I don't know...I'm making this up as I go..."
: : 80. Indy and Nazi are fighting at the wheel. Suddenly a wide-eyed peasant falls on the windshield and flies off soon thereafter. Indy and the Nazi share a little laugh before Indy decides to throw him out of the truck entirely.
: : 81. Indy, with an evil gleam in his eye, knocking people off the side of the truck and looking back psychotically.
: : 82. Nazi climbs the top of the truck. His hat is blown off and he looks back all surprised.
: : 82b. Not really humorous, I guess, but I think Harrison Ford can express feeling pain very well. Prime example is when the Nazi guy punches him on the gunshot wound in his arm before throwing him out of the truck. (Thanks to Freudenthal)
: : 83. The whole dramatic scene of Indy going under the truck and getting back inside. We see the Nazi attempting the same and getting scrunched. Ha-ha! :)
: : 84. When Indy knocks the car with Belloq in it and goes towards the camera before swerving the other way, you can see a "fake" Indy in the driver's seat.
: : 85. Mr. Katanga: "Your appearance is exactly the way I imagined it." He and Sallah laugh, while Indy is clearly unamused.
: : 86. Sallah and Indy say their good-byes. Sallah squeezes Indy too hard and Indy groans. Then Marion kisses Sallah and he starts singing merrily.
: : 87. When Indy is checking the scars on his face in the mirror, Marion accidentally smacks him upside the chin whilst checking herself out on the other side.
: : 88. "It's not the years, it's the mileage." Indy wants to be left alone because he is in total pain. "Go away!" "Ow! It hurts!" Then Marion asks where it doesn't hurt and Indy immediately points to his elbow.
: : 89. Indy spying on the Nazis through the hold and ducking abruptly when the nearby Nazi turns and throws his cigarette inside.
: : 90. Indy climbing onto the Nazi submarine and looking cool...but a little disoriented, as he wonders what to do next.
: : 91. Indy grabbing the Nazi and taking his uniform...hmmm, a bit too small. He then gets caught by another Nazi and kicks him in the balls, hard. Another kick presents him with the second Nazi's hat, to complete his disguise.
: : 92. Indy, in uniform, bumping into Belloq purposely, then looking back with a smirk on his face.
: : 93. Belloq, making his speech about archaeology, has a fly buzz into his mouth...and we never see the poor little guy again...:)
: : 94. When the Ark is opened, and only sand is found, Toht starts laughing a little bit TOO hard, for no apparent reason except that he's not right in the head...
: : 95. Now, when the Ark's power starts to set in, Toht's laughing is replaced by girlish screaming.
: : 96. The facial expressions when the Ark is doing its work to the Nazis...also, right before the three antagonists melt or explode.
: : 97. When the power of God is returning to the sky, you can see a cheesy Nazi dummy flying upwards and looking quite screwed-up.
: : 98. The bureaucrats not wanting to tell much about the location of the Ark. "We've got top men working on it." "Who?" "Top...men."
: : 98b. I like your #98: The funny thing is, who is the top man on the ark...Indy, of course! <i>(Thanks to Freudenthal)</i>
: : 99. Indy, pissed off about the situation of the Ark, runs down the stairs in anguish. "Fools! Bureaucratic fools!"
: : 100. Dah! There is no one-hundred!

: : 
: : <h1><u>INDIANA JONES AND THE LAST CRUSADE</u></h1>

: : <i>Dedicated to Indy's Girl</i>

: : <b>Come gather 'round, you young'uns! Today (or tonight...it's awfully late), I conclude my famous series that took nearly a year in the making: Finding Humor in the Seemingly Non-Humorous: The Last Crusade Edition. You see, a long moon ago (several months), someone came up with the idea of looking for all the funny/non-funny moments in the Indy movies. I decided to expand on this idea and list EVERY SINGLE thing that seems funny to me, after watching them over and over all this time. And, let me say right now, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade was the hardest one for me to do. There are just so many funny/non-funny things that make me laugh in that movie, that I'm practically guffawing throughout the flick! So, here, I present to you the official in-depth, thorough analysis on LC. Keep in mind that I spent all weekend working on this; 2 hours turned into 2 days the way I was viewing it (I should be getting paid for this!).  Above all, ENJOY! And here it is, for your viewing pleasure:</b>

: : 1. "Dismount!" Herman (carsick) falls off his horse.
: : 2. "Indy" gives a heroic stance and examines the Cross of Coronado with the brim of his hat way over his eyes, until he looks up and we clearly see that he is not Indy, but "Fedora." What a dirty trick!
: : 3. Young Indy grabs Herman and bosses him around. Herman starts acting scared because of a snake in his lap, but Indy, non-fazed, casually picks it up and throws it over his shoulder.
: : 4. Indy runs out of the cave, his arms flailing. "Everybody's lost but me!"
: : 5. Indy jumps off of the cliff onto the horse, but misses his mark.
: : 6. Fedora, running after Indy, whistles, and suddenly, as if on cue, two vehicles come out of nowhere.
: : 7. Indy runs on top of the train, dodging giraffe heads, while everybody else is jumping and falling.
: : 8. Indy rolls and falls headfirst into the vat of snakes. We see a distant shot of the train, and we hear: "Argh!"
: : 9. Indy pulls a snake out of his shirt, and not knowing what to do, flings it into the surrounding forest.
: : 10. The rhinoceros' horn comes up through the train, right between Indy's legs. "Holy smokes!" (if you look carefully, he's lip-syncing "Holy sh...")
: : 11. Indy falls smack-dab into the lion cage, and freaks out. He starts yelling and thrashing his arms about, trying to scare it, but it's clear that Indy is the one who's scared.
: : 12. Fedora - "Toss up the whip!" (Reminds me a lot of Sapito in Raiders)
: : 13. Indy to Fedora, in a desperate voice, "This belongs in a museum!"
: : 14. Indy jumps into the magic box and somehow ends up outside of the train altogether.
: : 15. Indy, a job well done, gets home to his disapproving father, who refuses to listen to him and makes him count to 20 in Greek. (Correction thanks to Dusty Fedora)
: : 16. Herman, his face red and sweaty, walks into the Jones household and starts blowing his horn. Indy swipes it away, and gets Herman-spit all over him.
: : 17. Young Indy turns into Indy, as the fedora is placed on his head. When we see the "new" Indy, he is complete with his cool half-smile, as the Coronado goons proceed to beat him up.
: : 18. "Small world, Dr. Jones." "Too small for the two of us!"
: : 19. Indy refuses to be thrown overboard, and instead kicks some guy off in the nether region, which in turn knocks him off the ship.
: : 20. Indy knocks out two goons with one punch.
: : 21. Indy in the classroom - "If it's truth you're interested in, Dr. Tyree's philosophy class is right down the hall."
: : 22. Indy explains to his students, "X never, ever marks the spot." He goes on to say that "70% of all archaeology is done in the library." This information becomes relevant later (see #43).
: : 23. As the students depart, Indy smiles knowingly to one of his female students offscreen. (Is it Indy's Girl?) :)
: : 24. Indy to Marcus - "We can discuss my honorary over dinner and champagne tonight...your treat." Marcus, not paying attention - "Yes, yes, my treat."
: : 25. Indy, realizing all the commotion of students outside his office, tells everyone to "Shush. Shush! SHUSH!" He then turns them over to his secretary, Irene, and high-tails it out of there.
: : 26. Indy, not wanting to deal with the crowd again, escapes through his window like a criminal, only to meet some of Donovon's goons. Indy just looks around calmly as they surround him, trying to intimidate him.
: : 27. Donovon enters and asks Indy about his trip. Indy just stares at him, coldly. As Donovon introduces himself, Indy takes off his fedora, displaying a severe case of "hat-hair."
: : 28. Indy reads the inscription on the tablet - "...where the cup that holds the blood of Jesus Christ resides forever." Indy's face shows a look of great dismay.
: : 29. Indy swallows hard as Donovon mentions his father while they're talking about Grail lore. "He's a teacher of medieval literature, the one the students hope they don't get."
: : 30. Donovon's wife enters the scene, then looks at Indy and nods to him. But as we can plainly see, Indy's back is turned to her.
: : 31. Donovon - "We're only one step away." Indy - "That's usually when the ground falls out from underneath your feet." "You could be more right than you know." Indy's eyebrows furrow immediately.
: : 32. Indy refers Donovon to his father, and we see a close up of Indy grabbing his hat off the table. "Your father is the one who disappeared." Indy nearly drops his hat at this.
: : 33. On the way over to Henry Jones' residence, Marcus explains to Indy how they've been friends for many years, but when Marcus sees the ransacked house he takes it back and says "What has the old fool got himself into now?"
: : 34. Indy realizes that the package he received from Venice, Italy holds the key. He desperately tries hard to rip open the packaging and get the darn thing out.
: : 35. Donovon drops off the two at the airport and explains to Marcus what to do. Marcus looks on, clearly confused.
: : 36. At their arrival in Italy - "Ah, Venice..."
: : 37. Indy and Marcus wonder about Dr. Schneider. "I don't know, maybe HE'll know us." Indy is surprised to learn that she is a woman.
: : 38. "You have your father's eyes." "And my mother's ears, but the rest belongs to you." Elsa slams Indy - "Looks like the best parts have already been spoken for."
: : 39. Elsa explains that Henry "[W]as as giddy as a schoolboy." Indy corrects her, "Who, Attila the professor? He was never giddy. Even when he was a schoolboy."
: : 40. Indy steals a white rose from the flower stand. Offcamera, you can hear a voice yell "Hey!"
: : 41. As Indy and Elsa continue to flirt with each other, Marcus interrupts them, annoyed.
: : 42. When Elsa leaves to make arrangements in the library, Marcus looks after her, apparently checking out her backside. (wink, wink)
: : 43. Everyone looks around for the 10, but all the time, it was right under their feet. Indy shrugs his shoulders. "X marks the spot!"
: : 43b. How about the fact that Indy had to go all the way to the top of the stairs to see the X?  That always gives me a good laugh...Couldn't he just point at it from where he was standing? Another funny thing is how fake the book case behind him looks when he says "X marks the spot" <i>(Thanks to Jay)</i>
: : 44. Indy bashes in the floor with the post. The librarian looks at his stamper, confused, as if it is making all that racket.
: : 45. Marcus stares down into the hole in the floor, seemingly unaware of the Brotherhood of the Cruciform Sword that sneak in behind him.
: : 46. Indy and Elsa explore the catacombs. "What's this one?" (indicating a picture on the wall) The Ark theme ensues. "The ark of the covenant." "Are you sure?" "Pretty sure."
: : 47. Indy pushes in the wall, and ends up falling in half-through.
: : 48. Indy - "Oh, rats..." Elsa - "Ugh!" (The rodents look like they're piled up on one another.)
: : 49. A rat trips Indy, and he nearly falls, as he's trekking through the petroleum. 
: : 50. Indy picks up Elsa, and carries her caveman-style. Elsa is surprised - "Augh!"
: : 51. Indy walks on the sides against the wall, and accidentally steps on a rat. Elsa, also tiptoeing along the wall, is unaware of many rats behind her head.
: : 52. Sparks flicker off the torch into the petroleum, yet it doesn't have the long term effects that the match from the Cruciform brother.
: : 53. Indy half-heartedly pushes open the lid of the coffin with one hand, while Elsa does most of the work.
: : 54. Indy finds the marker on the shield of the second knight. "Just like your father, giddy as a schoolboy!" Indy does a schoolboy-esque laugh to this.
: : 55. Indy explains his father's situation to Elsa. "He never would've made it through the rats. He hates rats!"
: : 56. When faced with the burning petroleum, Indy just throws out the knight's dead body, regardless of its pricelessness.
: : 57. Elsa takes an awkward deep breath as she submerges herself under the coffin.
: : 58. Indy and Elsa come out of the sewers, to the onlookers' dismay. "Ah, Venice..."
: : 59. Trying to escape the Brotherhood, Indy and Elsa jump into a boat. Elsa falls in crooked. As they take off, a Cruciform brother jumps onboard and hangs on for dear life. Indy jumps to the back to take care of him and there is this SCREECH sound as he slides by.
: : 60. Elsa dodges the bullets coming from the back. She turns around, with a really pissed off look on her face.
: : 61. Indy beats the hell out of the Cruciform brother in the back. This is funny in itself!
: : 62. Indy sees the onlooking two ships. "Are you crazy? Don't go between them!" "Go between them! Are you crazy?" They barely make it, but the Brotherhood's boat gets scrunched in-between and ends up coming out as a wedge.
: : 63. We see another boat with members of the Brotherhood. A Cruciform brother stares out the side of the boat, looking at the ocean, as if nothing is happening. He is frightened by his buddy, who grabs him by the shoulder and tells him to get in the back.
: : 64. Indy fights these two guys at once, and kicks one of them in the face. You can hear a splitsecond "Ow!" before he falls into the water.
: : 65. One of the Cruciform brothers jumps onto Indy's ship and lands flat on his face.
: : 66. "Ask yourself, why do you seek the Cup of Christ? Is it for his glory, or for yours?" Indy assures him that he's only looking for his father. The Cruciform brother reconsiders. "In that case, God be with you on your quest," and suddenly he has detailed information on Henry.
: : 67. Indy talks with Marcus about the whereabouts of the grail. "But where?" "Your father would know." "Hmmm..."
: : 68. Indy motions for Elsa to step out of the bathroom, and she tries to act surprised at the ransacked room. (I can see right through her Nazi exterior!)
: : 69. Elsa realizes that Indy had the Grail Diary all along. "You didn't trust me?" "At least I let you tag along."
: : 70. Indy makes his dramatic speech about the way he wants things done, followed by hastily forcing himself on Elsa. "How dare you kiss me?" Elsa comes back with a wallup of her own, sucking the breath out of Indy. "Leave me alone; I don't like fast women!" "And I hate arrogant men!" 
: : 71. They proceed with their rousing game of tough loving, as Indy goes down, a dizzy look in his eyes. Indy looks on to the side. "Ah, Venice..." Elsa snaps his head back to her in a quick motion, and they continue...
: : 72. Indy and Elsa in the car, outside the Brunwald Castle. "What are you going to do?" "Don't know, [I'll] think of something." (a slightly modified version of 'I'm making this up as I go')
: : 73. Indy enters the scene with a beret and a heavy Scottish accent. Need I say more? :)
: : 74. Indy (as the Scottish lord), comes in soaking wet and sneezes. "Now look, I've gone and caught a sniffle!" Indy pulls Elsa close to him and she slips by.
: : 75. "If you are a Scottish lord, then I am Mickey Mouse!" "How dare he?" POW!
: : 76. "Nazis. I HATE these guys."
: : 77. Indy passes by a heavily locked door. "I think he's in here." Elsa inquires, "How do you know?" Without looking, Indy indicates with his hand. "Because it's wired."
: : 78. Indy opens the window, and unfurls his whip. "Don't worry, this is kid's play! I'll be right back." Indy swings through the window to Professor Henry Jones' room and is greeted with a vase to the head.
: : 79. Henry Jones, incrediously. "Junior?" Indy stands at attention to his father. "Yes, sir!" "It IS you, Junior!" "Don't call me that...please."
: : 80. Henry studies the broken vase. "It breaks the heart." "And the head. You hit me, dad." Henry, referring to the vase, "I'll never forgive myself." Indy's face lightens up and his expression melts. "Aw, don't worry. It's fine." "Thank God," Henry pulls Indy close to him, "It's a fake." Indy's expression here is timeless. It's like he's been slapped in the face.
: : 81. "I really thought you were one of them." "Dad, they come in through the doors." "Ha! Good point."
: : 82. Henry is as giddy as a schoolboy, as Indy tells him of the discovery. "There were rats there. Big ones." Henry's expression abruptly changes at this.
: : 83. Henry tells Indy of the Grail Diary. "I knew I had to get that book as far away from me as I possibly could." Indy, averts his eyes and hesitantly answers, "Yeah..."
: : 84. A Nazi stooge enters the room. Indy puts his hands up and Henry copies. "Dr. Jones?" (at the same time) "Yes?" "I will take the book now." Father and son exchange glances. (again, simultaneously) "What book?" The Nazi refers to the Diary in Indy's front jacket pocket. Henry - "You dolt! You think my son would be that STUPID?" Indy blinks and looks sympathetically towards his father. "Well, uh..." Henry can't believe it. "You did?" Indy looks to the Nazis, embarrassed. "Look, can we discuss this later? "I should have mailed it to the Marx Brothers!" "Will you take it easy?!"
: : 85. "I came here to save you!" "Oh yeah? And who's gonna save you - Junior?" "I told you..." Indy takes a machine gun away from the nearest Nazi and starts blowing everyone away. A beat passes. "...Don't call me Junior!" Henry is shocked. "Look what you did! I can't believe what you j--" Indy pulls him away in mid-sentence.
: : 86. Indy is faced with a moment of truth. Should he believe his father and take his word that Elsa is a Nazi, or try to save her? "She's a Nazi. Trust me." Indy, disbelieving, slides the gun on the table, breaking a few glasses. The Nazi pushes Elsa into Indy, and her hair is all screwed up. "Indy, I'm sorry." Indy softens up. "But you should've listened to your father." Indy, still in a state of disbelief, can't believe he was deceived.
: : 87. "How did you know she was a Nazi?" "She talks in her sleep." Indy just nods, and then realizes what was said. Henry just chuckles.
: : 88. Indy, faced with the charge of ripping the map out from the Grail Diary, smiles knowingly. Indy explains how Marcus has "already succeeded." We cut to Marcus, lost in the middle of Iskenderun. "Um...does anyone speak english?" A man puts a glass of water underneath Marcus' nose. "No thanks, fish make love in it."
: : 89. After Marcus meets Sallah, there's a shtick where a man in black tips his head toward Marcus, and Marcus leans his head back at the same time. It's a classic!
: : 90. Sallah, trying to distract the imposters, tries to get Marcus' attention. "Papers...yes...(under his breath)...run!" "Yes?" After a couple of attempts, Sallah decides to take matters in his own hand and gives the guy a knuckle sandwich. Then Sallah accidentally loads Marcus into a departing truck, and looks after it, stunned and frozen in place.
: : 91. Indy and Henry are tied up. Elsa leans in close to Indy's ear. "I can't forget how wonderful it was." Henry - "Thank you, it was rather wonderful." Indy looks back at him, appalled and disgusted. Then Indy looks on with no emotion as Elsa proceeds to give him the kissing of a lifetime, complete with sucking his lower lip. "That's how Austrians say goodbye." The Nazi stooge steps up. "And this is how we say goodbye in Germany, Dr. Jones." SMACK! Indy's head knocks into Henry's head. "I liked the Austrian way better."
: : 92. Indy explains to Henry that Marcus isn't really ahead of everyone. He reminds him, "You know, Marcus. He got lost once in his own museum. Henry - "Oh."
: : 93. Henry drops the cigarette lighter and blows on it, hoping to douse the flame, but instead the carpet and curtains flare up in a blaze of glory. Henry continues to blow. "Indy?" "Now's not the time to get sentimental, dad." "The floor's on fire. See? The floor too!" Indy and Henry desperate scurry about the floor, escaping the flames by rocking back and forth, to and fro.
: : 94. Indy and Henry try to meet face to face. "Dad?" "What?" "Dad?!" "What?!" "DAD!" They finally meet eye to eye. "Head for the fireplace." They waddle away as fast as possible.
: : 95. Indy accidentally sets off the trap door in the fireplace. The spinning door turns 360 degrees and barely misses detection. "Our situation has not improved." One more time, Indy sets off the lever and this time, they're stuck on the other side of the wall. They meet with a Nazi lady, and smile to each other before she lets out a big yell that sounds like that lady from Austin Powers.
: : 96. Finally, after Henry gets caught on the other side, alone with all the Nazis, Indy takes care of the rest. He jams the spinning trapdoor with a bust. Indy "falls" into a secret passageway, as Henry accidentally sets off a rocking chair lever. Indy tumbles down the stairs. They arrive outside. Henry - "Would you say this is another typical day for you?" Indy proceeds to start a motorboat, and Henry thinks they're going to escape by sea. He throws his bag at Indy who immediately throws it back at him. Indy then runs off, as the motorboat speeds away, vacant. Henry is still confused. "What about the boat? We're not going in the boat?"
: : 97. As the Nazis prepare to follow the boat, Indy and Henry pop out of a crate, with Indy driving, and Henry in the little sidecar. He is clearly not to happy about this setup. As Indy takes off, he knocks two Nazi stooges off the road into the water. Indy snickers to himself. As he looks over to Henry for support, he gives a double-take, as Henry looks on disapprovingly. Indy's famous lop-sided grin is wiped off his face completely, and he tries to look serious.
: : 98. Indy somehow picks up a flagpole from the ground and uses it as a lance towards the oncoming hulking Nazi on a motorbike to knock him off. In turn, the bike knocks two Nazis coming in the opposite direction off their feet...literally. A remaining Nazi pops a wheelie and lands its front wheels near Indy's head. Indy uses the remaining piece of the pole to send the last Nazi flying...also literally. Again, Indy starts laughing, only to see the concerned look of his dad frowning down upon him. He looks down at his watch, unamused.
: : 99. Indy and Henry stop at the fork in the road. Henry wants to go get the book instead of rescuing Marcus. Henry - "The only thing that matters is the grail." "What about Marcus?" "Marcus would agree with me." The conversation goes on and gets into a serious argument. Henry feels the need to slap some sense into Indiana. SLAP! "That's for blasphemy."
: : 100. Indy in Berlin. The first thing we see him do is drag the knocked out body of a Nazi soldier and instantly coming out with a uniform. Indy, dead-serious, comes up behind Elsa. He threatens her. "All I have to do is squeeze." She retorts, "All I have to do is scream." After Indy gets the Diary, he is forced into a mob, and finds himself face to face with his greatest enemy. Indy looks on, horrified, as Adolf Hitler takes the Grail Diary from his hands and...signs it. The next shot we see is Indy telling Henry to get out of here, and we cut to them zooming off to the airport in the motorbike.
: : 101. In the zeppelin, Indy spots a suspicious man, and so proceeds to steal a ticket taker's clothes. Before the Nazi can reveal Henry's identity, Indy comes up behind him and socks him and throws him out the window. When faced with a group of horrified onlookers, Indy indicates that he had "[n]o ticket." Immediately, everyone puts their tickets in the air.
: : 102. Indy and Henry talk about Elsa. Henry - "I'm as human as the next man." Indy - "I WAS the next man."
: : 103. Indy confronts Henry about his childhood and the fact that they never talked. Henry gives Indy his full attention. "Okay, I'm here. What do you want to talk about?" Indy, red-faced, is at a loss for words. Henry's eyes widen. Indy laughs. "I can't think of anything." "Then what are you complaining about?"
: : 104. After noticing that the zeppelin was turning around, Indy and Henry escape in a sideplane. "I didn't know that you could fly." "Fly, yes. Land, no!" Indy tells Henry that he must use the machine gun. Indy indicates, "11 o'clock!" Henry is puzzled. "What happens at eleven o'clock?" After Henry gets the hang of it, he blows out the tail of their own plane. Sheepishly, Henry tells Indy, "I'm sorry, son. They got us." Indy tries to land the plane as best as he can without killing them. He ends up crashing into a farm. Henry, sarcastically - "Nice landing." "Thanks."
: : 105. Indy and Henry are still being shot at. They jump into a nearby trench. At the oncoming barrage of bullets that come, Henry hides himself behind Indy, using Indy as a shield. "They're trying to kill us," Henry notes. "I know, dad!" Indy yells at the top of his lungs. "It's a new experience for me." "It happens to me all the time."
: : 106. While a man tries to fix his car, Indy and Henry hop in and speed off. The man looks on, dumbfounded. The plane follows the car into a tunnel and loses its wings. The pilot, like an idiot, looks around as he passes the car, before blowing up in a fiery explosion. Henry - "Well, they don't come any closer than that." As if on cue, a missle drops a few feet from the front of the car, landing them in a ditch. Henry stands up from the mess, and brushes off his clothes, unfazed.
: : 107. Henry walks onto the beach clucking and doing a dance, while Indy looks at him as if he's gone cuckoo.
: : 108. Meanwhile, Donovon is getting permission for taking the grail from the king. Donovon offers him all the riches they have, but finally, His Excellency settles for a brand new Rolls-Royce. "And I even like the color!" Later on, Donovon, Elsa, and Marcus are driving on, as Elsa's head bobs on her pencil neck. Donovon - "Care to wet your whistle, Marcus?" "I'd rather spit in your face, but since I haven't any spit left..." 
: : 109. Indy looks on at the car from a safe distance. Henry - "What do you think you're doing?" "Dad, we're well out of range." Suddenly a bullet whizzes past his head. 
: : 110. Sallah's car gets bombed. "That belonged to my brother-in-law!"
: : 111. The Brotherhood of the Cruciform Sword risk their neck to stop the Nazis. Henry - "Now who are all these people?" Indy - "Who cares, as long as they're keeping Donovon busy?"
: : 112. Indy mentions to Sallah, "I'm going after those horses." (reminiscent of Raiders) He points his finger at Sallah, "No camels!"
: : 113. Henry sneaks into the tank and taps Marcus on the shoulder. "Ahh!" They proceed to give each other some kind of obscure greeting. "Henry, what are you doing here?" "It's a rescue!" But just as fast as it started, they're already caught. A Nazi starts torturing Henry by slapping him with a glove. Before he can hit him again, Henry grabs his hand, and you can see a gun come out of nowhere and point in his face.
: : 114. Indy, having stole 4 horses somewhere, meets with Sallah. "I said no camels! That's five camels! Can't you count?"
: : 115. Indy rides his horse between the tank (which can't see peripherally) and an oncoming jeep. They collide, and the jeep ends up upside down on the tank. You can clearly see a man inside, trying to claw his way out. The jeep is then shot off by a cannon, and crushed.
: : 116. Indy takes a rock and stuffs it into a gun barrel, jamming it. When it goes off, it backfires and the nozzle explodes.
: : 117. Indy uses his gun to take aim at the Nazis, but runs out of bullets. He tries to stuff his Webley back in its holster, but seems to have a bit of a problem doing so.
: : 118. Indy jumps off the horse and slams onto the tank, and takes out a Nazi. He then acquire a new gun and, when faced with three Nazis, he shoots through all of them, and looks carefully at the sheer power of this new weapon.
: : 119. As Indy is getting choked by the chain, he still manages to call to his dad, where the gun had dropped. Henry looks at it as if it's a foreign object, and is not sure whether to touch it.
: : 120. While fighting, Indy gets thrown against a periscope with his face all smushed up against it. The periscope Nazi starts bragging to his commanding officer in a pansy voice as Indy hits the scope and sends the Nazi below flailing. 
: : 121. Henry sprays a Nazi in the eye with ink while fighting for the gun. Marcus comments, "The pen...the pen is mightier than the sword!"
: : 122. Indy falls off the tank and somehow ends up caught on the tank gun, hanging by his knapsack strap. Colonel Vogel indicates for the driver to force Indy into the side of the wall. Inside the tank, though, a shot rings out and ricochets throughout the interior. Finally, it ends up between the eyes of the driver, which saves Indy at the last minute. "You call this archaeology?"
: : 123 (ABC). Marcus - "How does one get off this thing?" Indy pulls back a punch towards Vogel and accidentally elbows Marcus off the tank on his butt. Henry looks around, "Where's Marcus?" He then gets hit my an incoming shovel and takes a ride on the revolving belt of the tank. He's saved only by Indy's quick whip reflexes.
: : 124. The tank goes off the cliff. We see a toy tank complete with a Vogel action figure hit the ground and fall apart. Henry, Marcus, and Sallah look off the edge of the cliff. "Junior!" The BOOM! of the tank exploding comes the reply. "Oh, God. I've lost him." Meanwhile, we see a torn-up, battle-damaged Indy feeling tired and looking like crap pulling his lifeless body up the cliff. He comes up behind the trio and looks on with the rest, unaware of what's going on, as he tries to catch his breath, and stop nodding his head.
: : 125. Marcus attempts to figure out how Indy made it off the tank in time. You can see him calculating it in his head.
: : 126. Henry embraces his son, and just as abruptly, lets go. Indy falls to his knees, no strength left in his body. "Why are you sitting there resting when we're so near the end?" Indy, half-dead, just shuts his eyes, and 'mysterically' his fedora comes out of nowhere.
: : 127. Indy and the gang finally reach the Canyon of the Crescent Moon and watch in horror as a cheesy decapitation scene followed with a rollicking, bouncing head appears before them. Marcus covers his mouth in disgust.
: : 128. Indy and Elsa meet once again. "I never expected to see you again." I'm like a bad penny, I always turn up."
: : 129. At the Breath of God, Indy kneels, but immediately has to do a somersault over the next razorblade. If not for his quick reflexes, he would've been duck soup. As he emerges through the age old booby-trap, he's covered with thick spiderwebs.
: : 130. At the Word of God, Indy nearly falls through the 'J.' "Idiot! In Latin, Jehovah starts with an 'I'!" He speaks aloud with each letter he steps on. I-E-H-O--oh! Indy nearly falls backward on the 'O.'
: : 131. At the Path of God, Indy works up the courage to take a leap of faith and finally lifts his leg stiffly before stumbling down on what seems to be "solid" ground.
: : 132. The last knight (Sir Alec Guinness?) tries to swing his sword at Indy, but after 700 years, he seems to have gotten a little rusty. He falls backward with the weight of the weapon. 
: : 133. "You're strangely dressed...for a knight." The knight examines Indy's bullwhip.
: : 134. Donovan and Elsa enter the scene. They try to pick the correct Grail. Donovon - "I'm not a historian, which one is it?" Elsa - "Let me choose." "Thank you, doctor." Indy and the knight exchange glances as Elsa picks the wrong one on purpose.
: : 135. Donovon drinks from the wrong grail. He goes through a rapid age metamorphesis and finally ends up as old bones. (He first undergoes a brief transformation into Christopher Lloyd) "He choose...poorly."
: : 136. Sallah has the upper hand this time, as he command the Nazis to: "Drop your guns...please."
: : 137. Elsa, like an idiot, passes the Great Seal. She does a pathetic little lunge for the grail as it falls into a crevice. Indy flies down behind, trying to catch her. Elsa, full of greed, chooses to fall into the abyss while trying to retrieve the grail instead of taking Indy's hand and saving herself.
: : 138. Indy, in the same situation as Elsa, also tries to grab for the grail, until he hears the voice of reason: His father, actually calling him Indiana for the first time.
: : 139. Indy and Henry leave the poor knight there to suffer another millenium with billions of dollars of damages and the Holy Grail halfway beneath the earth's crust. He waves to them, looking rather disappointed.
: : 140. When they're finally safe and free from the canyon, Indy asks Henry what he found. "Illumination," he answers. "What did you find, Junior?" "Junior? Dad..." Sallah - "Please, what does it always mean? This..Junior..." "That's his name; Henry Jones Jr." "I like Indiana." Henry leans in close to Indy, "We named the DOG Indiana." Sallah - "The dog? Ha-ha! You are named after the dog?" Indy tries to keep a straight face and stop from smiling, "I have a lot of fond memories of that dog." Sallah continues to laugh in the background. Marcus interrupts, "Indy! Henry! Follow me! I know the way! Ha!" The horse races off with Marcus falling half-off, desperately trying to hang on for dear life. Just like the movie started with Herman falling off his horse. Henry - "Got lost in his own museum, huh?" "Yeah." "After you, Junior!" "Yessir!" And Indy saves the day once more. They go on, riding into the sunset, like heroes often do.

: : <h1>THE END</h1>

: : <b>To be continued? One can only hope.</b>

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