MONGO NOT UNDERSTAND SAR-KAZ-UM? WHAT MEAN THAT??!?

Posted by Mongo from 209.37.101.123 on April 30, 2001 at 11:25:37:

In Reply to: Five absolutely serious, non-sarcastic reasons why Mummy is better than Indy, and always will be. posted by California Mike on April 30, 2001 at 06:42:07:

:
: 1)The hero: Fraser on several levels is cooler than Ford.
: First, Fraser is taller than Harrison Ford, and if Fraser were to have a mustache, he would look more like Tom Selleck. You can almost end the analysis right there, since everyone (especially Lucas) agrees that Tom Selleck is and always will be the *TRUE* Indiana Jones. Whoever looks more like him will be a better action/adventure hero.
: Second, HF is just too old in the indy movies. 35ish, come on! We need someone fresh faced and youthful, who obviously either hasn't lived through much or has no scars to show for it. Plus, in Mummy we don't have to worry about a meddlesome backdrop of character development or the motiviations of the hero. Just give him a gun and let him go get treasure!
: Plus, the name O'Connell just rolls off the tongue better than Indy. Who the hell would name someone Indiana anyway? It makes no sense!!

: 2)Not enough CGI in the Indy movies!! Why the hell must Spielberg rely on tired old flesh and blood "stuntmen", to do "realistic", and
: actually "dangerous" maneuvers. In addition, why have the hero do any of his own stunts at all, or even have choreographed fight scenes! Unless the main character is talking, just have a digital double fight in the most fantastic manner possible a horde of digitally synthesized villains who aren't hampered by actual laws of physics! It makes the whole movie that much more exciting. Plus, Spielberg adheres to the old fashioned methods of "pacing", and "build-up" before the big explosions happen. Just keep 'em coming, Mummy style, with none of that unnecessary prelude stuff.

: 3)In Indy, the side characters talk too much and have too much history of their own. Come on, do we really need to understand Marion and Indy's relationship? Or have Elsa turn out to be a Nazi? no, its better that the heroine be a fresh faced simpleton who can't hold her liquor and screws up every other second, requiring the hero to always come to her rescue. Which O'Connell always does, unlike that ass Indy, who leaves Marion tied to that stake!!

: 4)There absolutely must be unending hordes of supernatural villains/supernatural forces that the hero must contend with. The more unlikely his escape, the better. Plus, he must remain unscarred and unaffected throughout. And, they must end up with the treasure somehow in the end. Indy never gets to keep any of the loot! What a crock! Irony doesn't belong in the movie theatre! We get enough of that in real life!

: 5)They are still making Mummy movies! And whats even better, they're released on DVD immediately!! We don't worry about novelizations, or "Young mummy" stuff, because the characters have no real history anyway! It works out so much better. Plus, since Fraser is slowly turning into Indy (see the previous postings pics), we'll soon have an even better superpowered Indy battling hordes of supernatural villains in a completely computer generated environment!! It doesn't look real? Who cares, real shmeal, give me gigantic scorpion monsters battling sand creatures!! Now that's what movie magic is all about.

: (p.s., I actually really like the mummy)

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Sar-Kaz-Um was Imhotep's cynical high priest (nm) Indiana Banzai 11:42:18 4/30/2001 (0)

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: : 
: : 1)The hero:  Fraser on several levels is cooler than Ford.  
: : First, Fraser is taller than Harrison Ford, and if Fraser were to have a mustache, he would look more like Tom Selleck.  You can almost end the analysis right there, since everyone (especially Lucas) agrees that Tom Selleck is and always will be the *TRUE* Indiana Jones.  Whoever looks more like him will be a better action/adventure hero.  
: : Second, HF is just too old in the indy movies.  35ish, come on! We need someone fresh faced and youthful, who obviously either hasn't lived through much or has no scars to show for it.  Plus, in Mummy we don't have to worry about a meddlesome backdrop of character development or the motiviations of the hero.  Just give him a gun and let him go get treasure!
: : Plus, the name O'Connell just rolls off the tongue better than Indy.  Who the hell would name someone Indiana anyway?  It makes no sense!!

: : 2)Not enough CGI in the Indy movies!!  Why the hell must Spielberg rely on tired old flesh and blood "stuntmen", to do "realistic", and  
: : actually "dangerous" maneuvers.  In addition, why have the hero do any of his own stunts at all, or even have choreographed fight scenes!  Unless the main character is talking, just have a digital double fight in the most fantastic manner possible a horde of digitally synthesized villains who aren't hampered by actual laws of physics!  It makes the whole movie that much more exciting.  Plus, Spielberg adheres to the old fashioned methods of "pacing", and "build-up" before the big explosions happen.  Just keep 'em coming, Mummy style, with none of that unnecessary prelude stuff.

: : 3)In Indy, the side characters talk too much and have too much history of their own.  Come on, do we really need to understand Marion and Indy's relationship?  Or have Elsa turn out to be a Nazi?  no, its better that the heroine be a fresh faced simpleton who can't hold her liquor and screws up every other second, requiring the hero to always come to her rescue.  Which O'Connell always does, unlike that ass Indy, who leaves Marion tied to that stake!!

: : 4)There absolutely must be unending hordes of supernatural villains/supernatural forces that the hero must contend with.  The more unlikely his escape, the better.  Plus, he must remain unscarred and unaffected throughout.  And, they must end up with the treasure somehow in the end.  Indy never gets to keep any of the loot!  What a crock!  Irony doesn't belong in the movie theatre!  We get enough of that in real life!

: : 5)They are still making Mummy movies!  And whats even better, they're released on DVD immediately!!  We don't worry about novelizations, or "Young mummy" stuff, because the characters have no real history anyway! It works out so much better.  Plus, since Fraser is slowly turning into Indy (see the previous postings pics), we'll soon have an even better superpowered Indy battling hordes of supernatural villains in a completely computer generated environment!!  It doesn't look real?  Who cares, real shmeal, give me gigantic scorpion monsters battling sand creatures!!  Now that's what movie magic is all about.

: : (p.s., I actually really like the mummy)

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