Top 50 Reasons why INDY kicks Batman's A**

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Posted by Adam on September 16, 1997 at 19:09:28:


WARNING: Some mild language

50. In the INDY movies the villian isn't usually more interesting than the hero -- and Indy's never been upstaged by a villian.

49. Because Harrison Ford fought AGAINST the Dark Side. Alas, BATMAN became the Dark Knight.

48. Because Harrison Ford was frozen in carbonite for three years, and still somehow managed to appear in RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK and BLADE RUNNER.

47. Because the last INDY sequel didnt need Jim Carrey to get back on track.

46. Because theres no way in hell PEE WEE HERMANN could star in an Indy movie.

45. None of Indy[pi]s girlfriends EVER whispered MEOW in public.

44. Young Indy was River Phoenix... *sniff*

43. You didn[pi]t need a big POW!, SLAM!, BANG! or OOOMPH! in the Indy movies during every fight scene.

42. Adam West is not the >=Box Office Star of the Century.<=

41. Indy never had his face featured on childrens underwear.

40. Because the INDY 500 is damn more exciting than BATMAN--THE RIDE.

39. Because Harrison Ford managed to steal all of Alec Baldwin[pi]s GOOD roles from him.

38. Because KAREN ALLEN could kick some Nazi butt.

37. Indy[pi]s idea of safe sex wouldn[pi]t include a full body rubber condom.

36. I dont remember BATMAN ever lending a hand against the War in Europe.

35. Indy[pi]s a human being -- not a superhero. BATMAN thinks he[pi]s a superhero, but we all know SUPERMAN could kick his Bat-ass.

34. Indy doesnt have a sexual fixation with animals.

33. Indy[pi]s theme music is more memorable.

32. When Indy[pi]s asked what he does for a living, he[pi]d be able to give a straight answer.

31. Indy[pi]s best girlfriend was NOT blonde.

30. Batman was so insecure he had to wear a mask; Indy only needed a hat.

29. Batman had to fight guys named Joker, Catwoman, Mr. Freeze, Two-Face, Poison Ivy and Penguin. Indy fought off all of Nazi Germany.

28. Indy spent his free time as a teacher of archaeology; Batman would look at sick, voyeuristic home videos.


26. OSCAR COUNT: RAIDERS 5 wins, 8 nominations. Batman: 1.

25. Indy wouldnt need three hours to undo his fly.

24. Batman needed millions of gatgets and a luxury limo to win the day; Indy only needed his whip (and a horse, if available).

23. Adult INDY was played by one actor; BATMAN by four. Talk about identity complex.

21. Indy can climb under a moving truck.

20. When Indy[pi]s girlfriend slugs him, he[pi]s polite and doesn[pi]t hit back. BATMAN throws his girlfriend (Catwoman) off a roof.

19. Two words: Likes leather.

18. None of Indy[pi]s girlfriends were the ones who used whips.

17. Indy[pi]s hairline isnt receeding.

16. Indy doesnt wear a cape and tights.

15. Indy is fluent in many languages. Batman rarely speaks english at all.

14. Spielberg was influenced by alfred Hitchcock. Burton was influenced by ...Ed Wood?

13. Indy looks better in a tuxedo.

12. Indy was a college man!

11. Okay, so he doesnt like people calling him Henry...but at least he doesn[pi]t try to conceal his ENTIRE identity!

10. Indy can jump into a river without having to worry that his clothes will shrink...TWELVE SIZES. And he can dry clean his clothes...I wonder how the hell Batman could send his stuff to the laundromat.

9. Indy can fight Nazis, Thuggees, Peruvian warriors, Arabs, Chinese mafiosos, Turks, and graverobbers without needing body armor.

8. When confronted by an enemy, Batman would rely on kung-fu, weird gimmicks, and technical toys. Indy would just shoot his gun.

7. Indy NEVER hung around adolescent boys sporting flourescent-colored tights.

6. Indy earned his money the old fashion way -- he earned it. Batman inherited it.

5. Okay, so Batman knows how to drive a car, fly the Batplane, use the batboat, and whatever. But no waaaaaaaaay could he ever fly the Mellinium Falcon.

4. Cause Indy was one of the very few actors from the STAR WARS films whose film career has IMPROVED over the years (of course, I still have complete respect for Mark Hamill[pi]s & Carrie Fisher[pi]s acting/writing talents).

3. Indy[pi]s discovered the Ark of the Covenant & the Holy Grail. Was has BATMAN ever found other than trouble?

2. Indy[pi]s dad was James Bond. Nuf said.

1. Because the producers WOULD pay Harrison Ford $20-$30 million to do another sequel, instead of replacing him with Val Kilmer or George Clooney.

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