The chapter was just perfect, except for one tiny thing...

Posted by the Fiddler from IDFAB105-33.splitrock.net on March 17, 2000 at 18:26:19:

In Reply to: Chapter 9 of Indiana Jones and the Golden Spider posted by A tale of stool pigeons, slimy worms and spidermen on March 17, 2000 at 08:43:13:

Actualy there are two things, but I just had to say it that way to fit the protocol of your "fave." =)

First I think it ought to be that Goodsport would have shot his partner, had he been alive, but not his wife. I can understand shooting the partner but, eventhough she was cheating on him, having him willing to have shot his wife makes him a badguy basicaly. Plus if he was willing to kill her then there would have been no combined shock of both her death and unfaithfullnes. Just shock of unfaithfullness.

The other thing was there were three people in the car: the Driver, the Passenger, and the Shooter. You made it clear that one was dead and one was alive (in critical condition), but what about the third member of the would-be assasins?

--the Fiddler

P.S.
One little pointer for all authors (of this and other stories). When writting, you make or break your story in the re-write/edit stage. Mitchner said something to the effect that he wasn't a very good writer, but was the world's greatest reviser.
--Just a thought to help the authors, and to make it easier on Goodsport since you are more likely to catch grammatical stuff also when revising.

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Oh, and BTW Deidre: the Fiddler 18:28:26 3/17/2000 (2)
- Merci. Deirdre 02:18:27 3/20/2000 (1)
  - Re: Merci. the Fiddler 18:48:46 3/20/2000 (0)

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: Actualy there are two things, but I just had to say it that way to fit the protocol of your "fave."  <b>=)</b>

: First I think it ought to be that Goodsport would have shot his partner, had he been alive, but not his wife.  I can understand shooting the partner but, eventhough she was cheating on him, having him willing to have shot his wife makes him a badguy basicaly.  Plus if he was willing to kill her then there would have been no combined shock of both her death and unfaithfullnes.  Just shock of unfaithfullness.

: The other thing was there were three people in the car: the Driver, the Passenger, and the Shooter.  You made it clear that one was dead and one was alive (in critical condition), but what about the third member of the would-be assasins?

: --the Fiddler

: P.S.
:      One little pointer for all authors (of this and other stories).  When writting, you make or break your story in the re-write/edit stage.  Mitchner said something to the effect that he wasn't a very good writer, but was the world's greatest reviser.
: --Just a thought to help the authors, and to make it easier on Goodsport since you are more likely to catch grammatical stuff also when revising.

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